In a rash move, MI6 boss “M” appoints Agent 0013 (Frank Stapleton) as the new anchor of Gillette Soccer Saturday, freeing up Agent 007 (Jeff Stelling) for expanded greyhound-related duties.

Stelling as Bond: You're Only Live Twice

But catastrophic levels of dourness, glumness and negativity, combined with a distinctly unsuave manner and a degree of verbal confusion matched only by Sky stablemate Alan Mullery, have left ratings extremely shaken, and entirely unstirred. After just two live appearances, 007 is forced to return to the helm, much to the relief of Marsh, Nicholas et al. 0013 is reassigned to totally unwatched weekday mid-afternoon duties on Sky Sports 3.

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