FAINT PRAISE

Phil Thompson makes a half-hearted case for Jonny Evans:

“He plays sort of international football with Northern Ireland.”

TOTAL BULL

That French Player of the Year award hasn’t gone unnoticed in Jonathan Pearce’s house. Oh, hang on…

“Two  great  goals  from  the  little  toreador Nasri.  Ole!”

LAST LEGS

If it turns out Alan Shearer is actually dying, ignore this one:

“I was hoping to see a World Cup in England in my lifetime.”

SULKERS IN ARMS

As Carlos Tevez moped on the bench after coming off against Bolton, Ronnie Whelan suggested rifts in both the City and Chelsea camps are running deeper than we thought:

“There’s Anelka giving him a little high-five.”

BRIDGE TOO FAR

Looking back at Nedum  Onuoha’s goal for Sunderland, Pat Dolan feels the Chelsea owner’s meddling has reached crisis point:

“He takes on Obi Mikel, then Abramovich…”

PENPUSHERS

Ronnie Whelan would solve the problems at a stroke by confiscating Roman’s markers:

“That’s what they look at; the players. They will say the manager has been underlined.”

GAME OVER

Stan Collymore has already written off the pigeons:

“I’m going to put the cat among the feathers.”

IT’S COME TO THIS

Anybody wondering why Hugh Dallas and co are so upset should have tuned into BBC News:

“We have the latest on the Scottish refugee crisis.”

X-RAY

Ray Houghton has clearly been following the career of Arsenal’s fragile Dutchman closely:

“You look at van Persie, a player who played in the World Cup final and this season  all of a sudden  he has all these fitness problems.”

ISTHMUS BE JOKING

Amid all the wailing and gnashing of teeth at England’s failed World Cup bid, credit must go to Graham Taylor for steadfastly refusing to blame “Panama”.

ABUSE OF TRUST

Thursday in The Sun: “Despite BBC muckraking, The Sun trusts FIFA to put football first.”

Friday in The Sun: “Fixed! FIFA bungs Russia the World Cup”

BUM STEER

No wonder it hasn’t worked out for Ryan Babel at Liverpool. John Hartson has had him barking up the wrong tree:

“He’s got to work hard to prove himself to Roy Evans.”

IS IT COS HE IS FRENCH?

So, Gerard Houllier, what did you make of the 3,000 fans throwing flares and seats at one another?

“I didn’t see it.”

LONG-SUFFERING

John Salako applauds the infinite reserves of courage and patience that saw the Hornets grab their 16th minute opener against Leicester:

“Watford have kept believing.”

TIED IN KNOTS

Even when talking movies, Alan Brazil can’t forget those Ipswich glory days:

“Sheepshank redemption.”

CLOCK WATCHING

Gary “Quantum” Taphouse always keeps a spare watch in his time machine:

“Time stood still for a split second there.”

******

QUICK ONE-TWOS

Chris Kamara on dodgy Joe Hart: “Jeepers Keepers”

Top top pronunciation with Ronnie Whelan:   “Jackie Yelka.”

Lawro fells Zigic: “I’ve never seen a mobile lighthouse.”

Stuart Hall is weary: “Stoke, Stoke, onomatopoeic Stoke.”

David Pleat reckons Nando Torres is “more cut than thrust.”

******

GUFF STREAM

Jonny Phillips tucks into Jay Bothroyd:

“He’s very much plat du jour in these parts”

Charlie Nicholas suggests the new Blackburn owners will be pretty hands-on:

“They’ll try to get a good feel factor.”

Merse’s new rule would liven up penalties:

“Don’t miss the target please, from 12 yards. That’s a sending-off.”

Jim White placed England’s very future in Sepp’s hands:

“What will winning this bid mean for the destiny of the country?”

Jimmy Magee blows Carlos Tevez’s gasket:

“The little Argentinean with the engine of … a bumble bee.”

Richie Sadlier questions Fulham’s motives:

“They’re unfortunate not to be a goal down already.”

Ray Hudson on Barca’s indecent exposure:

“Real Madrid’s defence stretched out like spandex on Miami Beach and Casillas is left naked.”

Spotter’s badges to bootsybah, moosebert1

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