... and Bonner has gone 165 minutes of these championships without conceding a goal. Oh danger here...
 Ronglish Lesson 11
   The Language They Couldn't Kill - Not Even Ron
Ok, so we've rather got the impression lately that Ron has had quite enough of this lark. And being ever-sympathetic to the needs of the role model to whom we turn for every single gold purchase, we'd really love to help the big man out.  Sadly, the noisy clamour of a Ronglish-starved public demands that we jeopardise forever the likelihood of our distinctively pigmented hero raising a glass in our honour in a Marbella Jacuzzi.

Still, public literacy, as always, comes first. Here we guide you through three more reasons why you should cry bitter tears every time Robbie Earle shows up on The Premiership instead of Ron.
 Hollywood Ball 

Ok, we know this one's been around for ages, but to be honest, we were a little worried it had become one of Beckham's registered trademarks, and Adidas might be round the Towers with a writ.

For Becks is challenged only by sometime teammate and fulltime amusement arcade Veron, as the undisputed king of the Hollywood Ball, an ambitious pass that practically craves the award of a spotter's badge. The problem with the Hollywood Ball is that it regularly ignores the five yard facer that would have left the little ginger fella standing empty after a great little arrive. Not to be confused with a Change Ball, though these can also harbour some LA ambitions.

RON MIGHT SAY: 
I just wonder, Clive, if Beckham shouldn't get hold of it and put a threat on, instead of launching those Hollywood Balls towards the big Dutch feller.

MRS. RON MIGHT SAY:
For the love of God, Ron, what do you need another pair of cufflinks for? This isn't a Hollywood Ball we're going to. 

RONGLISH POINTS: ****
Serial Ronglish-snatchers like Gray are quick to call a Hollywood Ball when they see one, although Andy's strict religious upbringing means a particularly hopeful "Hollywood" becomes a Hail Mary ball. 
 In Captivity

"He's the biggest left back in captivity."
Ron's verdict on young Gardner at Spurs

We think we've finally got to the bottom of this one. Seasoned Ronglish disciples have long agonised over the true meaning of "in captivity." Deep thinkers like Barry Davies lead a school of thought that believes the captured player must be a product of a youth system that has snatched him from the mean streets. On the other hand, philosophers like Chris Kamara theorise that we are all truly captive on this mortal coil.

Whatever! Saturday's latest manifestation of "in captivity" paints a clearer picture:

"...and he's played the best one-two in captivity." 
Said Ron, of Vieira's link-up with Bergkamp for Arsenal's fifth.

Of course one-two's can't be held captive. That would be a give without the go. No, clearly "in captivity" is the one Ronglish term that means nothing at all. Instead, we see it as a telling window into Ron's soul, a sign of his, hopefully temporary, inner turmoil. You see Ron's just back from a tidy Christmas break. Unfettered by the daily grind of Champs League action, the man whose gold is worth his weight in gold could kick back in the World's finest sunspots. It is in fact, Ron, that's now in captivity.

Expect to hear plenty more of this one unless Clive sticks on a grass skirt and masters the can-can.

MRS. RON MIGHT SAY 
Oh, you're back, Ron. Well, that's the end of your jet-setting for a while. From now on, your credit card's the goldest card in captivity.

RONGLISH POINTS ***
Now that Ron has considerably broadened the scope of "in captivity" to allow the capture of passages of play, it's just a matter of time before a delivery of lollipops arrives at a jailhouse near you.
 Not So Sure

Not so much a genuine piece of Ronglish dialect, more a constant reminder of what an all-round good egg Ron is. You see Ron is a gentlemanly and kindly fellow. When he says "I'm not so sure" (note this opening must always be followed by the word 'Clive') what Ron really means is "You must be joking, you haven't got a clue, you are completely wrong, my friend." But never of course, would such harsh words cross polite Ron's lips.

CLIVE MIGHT SAY:
Good flag from the linesman, Ferdinand held the line well and just caught the little Argentinean there.

RON MIGHT SAY WHILE WAITING FOR REPLAY:
I'm not so sure, Clive. I think Silvestre might just have slept in there. 

RON MIGHT SAY UPON VIEWING REPLAY:
Tell you what, he is wellllll on! And that was a stick-on. Not your night, little fella.

MRS. RON MIGHT SAY
I'm not so sure, Ron. I'm sure I've met all your nieces by now, and she didn't look like one of them.

RONGLISH POINTS *
Difficult really for Ron to claim this one as his own, as pedants will claim that people have been unsure about things for centuries now. That's all very well, but "not so sure" has certainly caught on with Frank Stapleton, though this may well be because poor old Frank is never sure about anything any more since that long streak of piss nicked his Irish scoring record.

 

Spotter's badges to all the Hollywood Ballers. Youse know who youse are.

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