Anyway, Eamo found it difficult to remain focused on the matter at hand. Gazing through Roy-tinted glasses, Eamon couldn’t help but tell us again and again of the magnificence of the object of his affection. “Franz Beckanbauer” he gushed in his opening gambit “is the player I’ve seen that comes closest to Roy. Every time I saw Beckanbauer play he was magnificent. Roy is the same.” In the same article, Dunphy also tells us that Roy is “a much greater player than George Best,” “a genuine legend,” “the complete midfielder” etc etc. Talk about heroes on pedestals.

Anyway, the impending return of the boy Roy was set to restore Ireland to the ranks of the world’s great football teams: “Roy’s return - which seems imminent - takes Ireland from being a good side to being genuine contenders for Euro 2004.” That’s right - such a good side are Ireland without Roy, that they lie slumped and punch drunk at the bottom of their qualification group having lost out to their main competition, the ailing Russians and the mighty Swiss. Reasoned and professional punditry at its very best.

Anyway, so confident was Eamon in the regenerative power of the second coming of Roy that he promised to “have a bet on them to go all the way” should Roy pack his sun tan lotion and head for Portugal in 2004.

Anyone who thinks that’s funny probably made the mistake of feeling that Roy had let Ireland down in Saipan. For those unbelievers, Eamon had a message: “Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel and the people who were going around waving flags and sneering at Roy were simply misguided.”

Er…Ok. Anyway, Dunphy went about explaining how the primary obligation of the great player is to the men who pay his wages. Fair enough. But he then did something of a u-turn in stating “Great players like Roy do have a secondary obligation - to their country!” - which sounds a little like patriotism to me, but let’s not dwell on that. Eamon continued “but what is the country? it’s the FAI!” - which isn’t entirely accurate I think you’ll agree.

But Keane’s “return” would not be for the Yes men, the Uncle Toms, and the slight of hand merchants in Merrion Square. No sir, because as Eamon explains “the important people in all this are the Irish fans who supported him (Roy) last summer and still support him. They’re the people he’ll return for…I think he’ll come back for the genuine fans.” And why will Roy come back? Because “he doesn’t want to sour his relationship with the Irish public.”

Grand so - we can mull over that point as Ireland flounder in Tiblisi and Tirana.