Hansen splits hairs, Andy’s imaginary friends, Frank Stapleton lights up Setanta

Of course flexibility is all important in the modern game, but Phil Thompson has spotted Richard Dunne taking things a little too far:

“He puts his neck on the line to try and get in position.”

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BACK TO PLAN A

On MOTD, Alan Hansen rouses himself awake just long enough to split hairs:

“Some people say they (Arsenal) don’t have a Plan B, I say they don’t have any variation.”

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ANDY WRITES THE SCRIPT

No Premier League fixture on Sky would be complete without the voices in Andy Gray’s head. You know the kind of thing; the goalkeeper spills one and Andy’s supersonic hearing detects the ever-polite Michael Owen saying “Thank you very much.” Or JT lunges to Chelsea’s rescue while helpfully pointing out “You’ve got to get past me first, mate.”
Liverpool’s second at the Reebok, however, prompted a slice of Andy’s most fanciful dialogue yet:

“… and Torres says \’Go on Steven, put this game to bed, my son’ and Steven says \’You know what, with a nod of my head I will.'”

If they’d had writers like this, Brookside would still be going strong.

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THE REAL MONTY

Steve Claridge has been impressed with Albert Riera:

“He is the full McCoy.”

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BUT SERIOUSLY

When the cameras panned to the Old Trafford stands, there was a brave attempt by Stephen Alkin to airbrush from history a host of musical crimes:

“Phil Collins, famous drummer of old.”

More than can be said for MOTD’s Guy Mowbray, whose bedroom clearly boasts a stockpile of embarrassing vinyl:

“No jacket required to sit there. If he sees a Stoke win, it really would be against all odds now.”

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BEING FRANK

He’s hanging out on Setanta 2 these days, seemingly an expert on football the continent-over, but during Ajax – PSV on Saturday, it was clear Stapo still has a little to learn about the workings of the transfer market:

“You can’t buy the experience of a top-class goalscorer.”

And a refresher course on irony mightn’t go amiss either:

“There’s been one or two tackles flying about, but ironically no yellow cards.”

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HARRY’S BEEN CALLED WORSE

For once, it’s impossible to argue with Alan Mullery:

“They have got, what I would call, an English manager.”

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A BIT GREEN

Hammers; Robert gets realistic:

“Sometimes if you’re not going to score, the best you can do is a nil-nil draw.”

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DICTIONARY CORNER

With Razor Houghton:

“Look at his reaction when he gave it away – that was systematic of United in the first half.”

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MERSE TRUCKS ON

Anelka: “… will get you a lorry-load of goals.”
Gallas: “…has a lorry-load of caps.”
Giovanni: “… has got them a lorry-load of points.”