For some reason, the Gridiron seems to inspire movie directors into a decent effort, but if the bookies took bets on the movies, the online betting markets would give us generous odds on there ever being a truly great football film.
Here are some of the turkeys:
Not really that bad. Young Man City fan struggles at a school where every United fan gets a pair of magic boots. Or something like that. Might have been Fergie’s trump card in the Rooney negotiations.
9. The Goal Trilogy
Last one only made it to DVD, the star undoubtedly being Sven Goran Eriksson’s unknown doppelganger.
Plus points Kevin O’Callaghan and John Wark. Minus points Sylvester Stallone’s goalkeeping and the fact that the game, far from ending in victory, finished four-all.
7. A Shot at Glory
Robert Duvall and Michael Keaton. Scottish amateur side in financial difficulty. Yawn.
6. Hotshot (aka Striking Chance)
American sawker wannabee with attitude problem turns to retired superstar Santoz (Yep, Pele) for guidance. Pele teaches him how to do bicycle kicks. This sorts him out. Much glory ensues.
5. Bend it like Beckham
The movie that coined a thousand “spend it like…” puns. Painful.
4. When Saturday Comes
Sean Bean goes from non-league to knocking in a brace against United in cup. In reality, would have looked at Forlan, Bellion and Kleberson in opposition and figured pub team was a better stage for his talents.
Dodgy territory as no-hoper coach called Chester drafts in his 13 year-old son to bolster his girls’ football team.
2. Fever Pitch
Turns Hornby’s decent book into pointless “romance” between pair of dull teachers.
1. Mean Machine
Vinnie Jones as a pro footballer sent to prison for throwing a game: believable. Vinnie Jones playing for prison team wearing playmaker’s number ten shirt: not so believable.