The week in guff: Rattling the foot of the ‘Racing’

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TAKING FLIGHT

After Saturday’s win over Hull, Sam Matterface feels Stoke will no longer have their head in the sand:

“That whole ostrich round the neck is the idea of getting that first win in the league.”

 

SHIFTING THE GOALPOSTS

Sky’s Bill Leslie: “Aguero has rattled the foot of the crossbar.”

 

POSTER BOY

Paul Merson has long shared the same aversion to saying the word ‘post’. Merse’s many rhyming slang alternatives include ‘Norfolk Coast’, ‘the Casper’ (the friendly ghost), ‘Sunday roast’ and ‘the Stelling’ (game show host, during the Countdown years).

On Saturday, Merse got back to basics, with Callum Wilson hitting the ‘beans on toast’ in Bournemouth’s ‘Desmond’ with Everton.

But there was also a fresh addition to his stockpile:

“It’s come back off the ‘Racing’”

 

WHERE’S THE CATCH?

David Provan continues to over-complicate what was once a rudimentary part of the goalkeeper’s trade:

“I don’t think Cech can take it into his gloves.”

 

HILL OF BEANS

Sky commentator at Yeovil:

“In the old Huish Park, the pitch had an eight-foot slope, a real leveller.”

 

SUM WORDS OF WARNING

David Pleat cautioned journalists linking Zinedine Zidane with the manager’s job at Manchester United:

“They’re trying to make two plus two equal four.”

 

PUNBELIEVABLE JEFF

Jeff Stelling makes a patsy of the QPR goalkeeper:

“Joe Lumley was absolutely fabulous at times.”

 

GRASSING UP

Mark Chapman has little sympathy for Premier League players who complain about a bobble in the box:

“We’re hacking through grass at knee-high level at grassroots level.”

 

PLANE TO SEE

Michael Owen likened the Reds’ patternless movement to an aerobatic team famed for flying in strict formation:

“Liverpool are everywhere, there’s no rules as to where they play – they are literally like the red arrows.”

 

ABOVE BOARD

Merse will not be sought to provide punditry at the Olympic pool any time soon:

“I didn’t think it was that bad a dive. It wasn’t like he jumped off the thing.”