Posh will have to wait for the Olympics and Crouchy’s omission has kept Abbey Clancy at home. So where will frisky TV directors point the cameras during injury stoppages this month?
Sarah Brandner, Germany
Just as it was difficult to feel too sorry for Tom Brady when he departed the scene of his Super Bowl blowout in the consoling embrace of wife Gisele Bundchen, few tears were shed for Bastian Schweinsteiger and his Champions League penalty miss once people remembered Sarah Brandner was on hand to dispense succour and tender assurances that it was really all Robben’s fault.
A 24-year-old German model who has graced the pages of Sports Illustrated and GQ Germany, the most cursory Googling will give testimony to Sarah’s selfless and dedicated service to the noble art of body painting.
Sara Carbonero, Spain
Spanish TV station Telecinco’s answer to Tony O’Donoghue – the resemblance is striking – Carbonero was famously blamed for Spain’s loss toSwitzerlandin the 2010 World Cup, since she had been working the territory close to boyfriend Iker Casillas’ goal before Gelson Fernandes plundered the winner.
Then there was a rather frosty post-match interview between the lovebirds when Sara tactfully enquired of Iker how Spain had managed to blow things quite so badly.
Thankfully, true love endured and the pair plan to marry this summer. Meanwhile, FHM rubber-stamped Carbonero’s credentials as a distraction by awarding her the title Nellie Bly secretly craved; Sexiest Reporter in the World.
Claudine Keane, Ireland
Robbie might have supported just about everyone as a boy, but his wife is now exclusively supported by Ultimo – the former Miss-Ireland finalist follows the likes of Rachel Hunter, Helena Christensen and er, Sarah Harding as a face and whatever else of the Glasgow lingerie line.
Claudine has a first in economics and finance from UCD but, more relevantly, she is now into her second term studying at the Victoria Beckham Finishing School in LA, where she has undoubtedly picked up a trick or two to boost Ireland’s chances of dominating the WAG exchanges.
Oksana Wilhelmsson, Sweden
Did you detect a low whistle of widespread relief during Erik Hamrén’s announcement of the Swedish squad for their Group D challenge? That was probably in honour of much-travelled wideman Christian Wilhelmsson, who made the cut despite his continued exile at Saudi Arabian outfit Al Hilal.
So too, then, has Oksana Wilhelmsson nee Andersson, his wife. The Russian-born model moved, with her family, toSweden when she was ten where she has since dedicated her God-given abilities to dancing, reality TV appearances and enthusiastic displays of hotness.
Irina Shayk, Portugal
‘Irina Shayk Is Very Uggly For Ronaldo’ – despite drawing, at last count, the endorsement of 6,753 Likes – is surely the Facebook Group that comes closest to breaching whatever Trade Description Act Zuckerberg and co are governed by.
For having subjected the matter to the kind of forensic analysis only 20 or so pages of Google Images can guarantee, it can be safely concluded that Irina isn’t particularly ugly at all.
Another Russian-born contender, Shayk has been doing a line with the Iberian Flatley for two years, during which time she has featured on magazine covers just about as often as Cristiano has thrown his arms up in exasperation at his teammates.
Lena Gercke, Germany
Top of a lengthy list of people who might be advised not to write off the Germans are WAG-watchers, with the Fatherland’s midfield supplying a second contender for our shortlist.
Sami Khedira’s main squeeze is the kind of lady men are willing to do time for and some almost did earlier this year when a trio of Tunisian journalists were arrested and detained for publishing, in the eyes of the country’s public prosecutor, a photograph of the model which ‘offended public morality’.
The objectionable image featured Lena in a state of quite frank undress with gallant Sami committing two blatant handling offences to preserve some degree of her modesty. The question is; will the Real Madrid man get both hands on another trophy in Kiev?
PS: You know very well where you can find more ‘persuasive’ pictures of these ladies, if that’s what you’re after.
This article first appeared in the Irish Examiner.