Liverpool Football Club Confirms Takeover Bid

The news that Liverpool manager, Rafael Benitez, has just £1.5 million to spend has left fans questioning what exactly the club’s American owners, George Gillett and Tom Hicks, are spending the money on. The pair deny allegations that they see the team as less of an investment and more of a cash cow, and who are we to doubt them. So just what are they spending all those millions on?

The most obvious reason for the deficit is that there was a misunderstanding over the word ‘football’. The Yanks didn’t realise the team played what they call soccer, until they’d spent a fortune on padding, helmets and those strange little trousers American footballers wear. Sammy Lee may currently be trying to offload these useless items at car-boot sales in the Merseyside area, but to no avail.

Alternatively, maybe George Gillett (the little one) has invested in numerous pairs of Tom Cruise style built-up shoes, in a vain attempt to avoid looking like Bilbo Baggin’s granddad in publicity photos.

However, neither of the above are enough to explain the disappearance of quite so much money. No, it’s got to be something big. Then it came to me. It’s quite obvious really – they’ve bought fictitious 16 year old Moldovan wunderkind, Masal Bugduv! Hey, he fooled the Times, what chance did they stand!?

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