The Merse
The Merse

DEAD LOSS
No wonder Ryan Giggs didn’t start for United at the Britannia Stadium after Paul Merson diagnosed a rather worrying condition at Old Trafford last week:

“He made a run in the second half. He run about 50 yards and the camera went on him and he wasn’t even breathing.”

SHORT AND WINDING ROAD
On Five Live, Graham Taylor was impressed with the route Fulham have taken:

“This team has done very well. They’ve come a long way in a short distance.”

GETTING AHEAD OF HIMSELF
Big Pat is wishing his life away on Setanta:

“Remember this time last year they came back from the World Club Championships on the 26th of December.”

HOW QUICKLY THEY FORGET
A sentence is a long time in football for Jon Champion:

“Seven wins for Fulham in 45 meetings with Arsenal but two of those three victories have come in the last two seasons.”

TO HULL AND BACK

If you were a betting man, you’ll probably put Phil Brown down as an avid pursuer of his front tail, so it’s little wonder Tony Cas felt the need to be anatomically precise on The Last Word:

“I think Hull will be chasing their back tail against Liverpool.”

SOFTLY SOFTLY

Despite a slip-up at Hamilton last week, Hibs’ gaffer John Hughes has enjoyed a comfortable start to his reign at Easter Road:

“Since I arrived at the club I’ve been walking around with my slippers on, but now the gloves are off.”

NEWTON THE SEQUEL

Who needs Derren Brown when David Pleat is quite capable of making magic out of every aerial contest?

“As they were on their way up, they were already coming down.”

WATCH YOUR HUBCAPS

Gary Lineker didn’t make any new friends on Merseyside after Fernando Torres revealed that Saturday’s match ball will be put “in a good place in my home.”

“Hope it’s safe there.”

RETURN OF THE GUFF KING

Fantastic to see King Kev back in the ESPN pundit’s chair and only the Great Confusionist could produce this verdict on Vito Mannone’s heroics:

“If you reverse his name, it’s almost “One Man” and one man kept them in the match.”

CARRYING BAGGAGE

And credit to Kev for spotting why Cesc Fabregas was a little sluggish before he produced the pass for van Persie’s goal:

“The great players have a set of golf clubs in their feet.”

PROBLEMATIC

It’s difficult to argue with Tony Cottee’s assessment of Hull’s woes:

“If you’ve got the double problem of conceding goals and not being able to score you’re going to have problems”

MARATHON RUNNING DOWN THE CLOCK

Sky reporter David Craig had a long afternoon at Brunton Park. Even Fergie would have been chuffed with this referee:

“Carlisle 1, Southampton 1 – in the 95th minute of injury time.”

SMALL CHANGE

Jeff Stelling tees one up from miles out:

“Diego Penney took over in goal, but if Jensen is fit, Penney is dropped.”

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Who are the “Arzenal” Chris Waddle kept banging on about on ESPN?

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