Liverpool are confident the yellow card Luis Suarez picked up in the 0-0 draw with Tottenham will be rescinded after evidence emerged this morning that the Uruguayan’s sporting gesture to Scott Parker had been misunderstood by referee Michael Oliver.
Aldo Rushnbeardsley – Professor in Hispanic Studies and kickboxing at Black University – insists Suarez was simply trying to compliment Parker on his ability to draw remarkable media attention to himself for the most perfunctory of clearances.
“I completely understand why a British or an American might not understand the tone or the intention from SuÃ¡rez. But in the Rio de la Plata area planting a foot in the solar plexus of another man is seen as a gesture of solidarity, a sign of appreciation almost.”
“I kick my wife in the stomach all the time.”
Liverpool insists the culture clash is working against SuÃ¡rez because nobody on the referee’s list has been kicked in the stomach since a cultural awareness program piloted by Phil Dowd fell through last summer.
Professor Rushnbeardsley believes Oliver’s decision lacks any credibility.
“The key is that Parker makes SuÃ¡rez appear to have used a form of the gesture SuÃ¡rez just wouldn’t use in Uruguay. At home, the Englishman would respond with an affectionate Montevideon kiss.”
“In fact Suarez may have been trying to calm Parker down after he had reacted aggressively to being pushed in the back moments earlier.”
Kenny Dalglish, dressed in a karate gi, confirmed the club would be appealing the decision.
“Lowpoo fowba clue waw stan bee Looz ta da beeta end.”