The Jeff Stelling Interview
Do you fancy any other jobs in television. You could be the new Parky maybe?
[Laughs.] Yeah. Look, I love sport and TV but yeah, in terms of the chat show, I’m not sure if it isn’t dead you know.
You could revive it, Jeff.
Yeah, maybe. Ha ha. You’re very kind. Well, I’d like to have a go at something else alright. Seriously speaking, it’s about getting the right kind of vehicle, isn’t it. Des Lynam tried to branch out into all sorts of things but it didn’t really work did it? Mainly because the programmes were crap really and it didn’t matter who the presenter was. You look at Gabby Logan who’s branching out into quizzes and what not. Gabby’s a mate of mine and I hope it goes well for her, but you’ve got to be careful what you get involved in.
The proudest moment of your broadcasting career?
Ooooh, [thinks for ages] that’s a good one. Let me see. In television terms, it was probably the first time I presented a programme. That was at TVAM. I’ve got this habit that, wherever I’ve been, I’ve managed to close the station down. Keysy was there at the same time. Mike Morris was there and Ulrika was the weather girl. I did an hour and a half sports programme on Saturday morning with no live sport and no real features of any kind – bit like Soccer Saturday really.
We reckon your greatest achievement was when Besty had a bit of trouble during the week and you said he wasn’t on the show because he “wasn’t feeling two grand.”
[Laughs]. People enjoyed that. To be honest, I thought about it twenty minutes before the show and all the time I was in makeup, I was thinking “should I use this or not?” How will it go down? I think it’s funny but will anyone else?”
It was genius Jeff.
Well George thought it was funny and that was the main thing. George has his critics but in my experience he’s a nice guy and has a good sense of humour. For someone who was such a fantastic player to be able to laugh at himself, that’s great.
You seem to get on well with all of the lads on the panel?
Yeah, well apart from Rodney. The thing about Rodney is you don’t want to take him too seriously because he’s slagged off everyone in the world. Last season he was on the front pages of Wigan’s local paper in a clown’s outfit. He’s said they’d no right to be in the Premiership or something. But you can’t carry on for five or six hours with some outspoken opinion, and Rod certainly provides that. I think 442 magazine described him this week as an ‘intolerable loudmouth’. I thought intolerable was a bit unfair. The rest was about right.
Anyway, let’s get your commentating dream team. What if you were the Roman Abramovich of TV and you could choose anyone you wanted…anchor first.
Well Des Lynam’s always been my hero and he still would be.
Right. Two Pundits to go with him.
Let’s see. Of the people around at the moment, I like Niall Quinn a lot. And I’m a big fan of Alan Hansen.
Quinny? Are you sure Jeff? Is old DiscoPants not just a little, shall we say, too reluctant to criticise anyone?
Wellll, maybe, But I think he’s got a charm and a grace and respect as well. I think that makes up for that. Anyway, I don’t think you have to be ultra critical to be a pundit. Some people make the mistake of thinking they have to go for the jugular every time. There’s a lot of good pundits around. I’m a great fan of Chris Kamara and Rodney Marsh and I think Andy Townsend has improved beyond recognition over the last few years.
Commentator then.
To be fair, I’ve got an awful lot of time for Martin Tyler. Him or Clive Tyldesley.
Clive? Really? Only when he’s not doing Man U surely?
Yes. True,
Ok, co-commentator then.
Well, it’s got to be Kamara doesn’t it, He sees the game differently to other people. He’s played the game. He’s opinionated. He’s grown to be an integral part of the program in recent years, with his own…. well…. Unmatchable style…. I think I’ve been there seven years now - it’s fantastic – we’ve never sent Kammy to one bad game. They’ve all been unbelievable, fantastic and great. His enthusiasm is well…
Unbelievable?
[Laughs]. Yeah.
One word. Motty or Davies?
Can I pick “Or”. Ok, Motty. Davies is too sophisticated, too….[racks brain] schoolmasterish.
More lawn tennis than football?
Yes, Or hockey.
Or the boat race?
Yeah.
Best commentary of all time?
Most memorable has to be the 1966 World Cup final. Whether it was the commentary or the occasion, I’m not sure, but that’s the one that sticks in my mind.
Sporting hero?
Ohhhh. There have been loads over the years. Do I have to pick one?
No, no, we’ve got all day.
[Long silence. Thinking hard.]
You could just make up the name of an old Hartlepool centre forward if you wanted. We wouldn’t know the difference.
Actually, I’ll tell you. My Hartlepool hero was a guy – you’ll never have heard of him – called Ernie Phythian (kindly spells name for us). He was a centre forward in days of Brian Clough. It was in my embryonic days when I was 12 or 13 and I used to stand on the terraces. He was an absolute sensation.
Other than Ernie, it would be Tony McCoy, who’s an absolute genius and a charming nice guy with it.
You like a bit of racing?
Oh yeah, Frankie Detori same thing. They’ve transformed the racing. Jockeys used to be so unapproachable. Steve Cauthen was the first but Frankie took it to another level. Sixties Formula One driver Jim Clarke was another hero.
Greyhound racing or darts?
Oh darts for sure.
Would you be a Phil Taylor man? Or Bobby George or one of his crowd?
Bobby George! [Sounds indignant] Bobby George is a show pony. Phil Taylor is, ohhhh… [sounds a little delirious]. In terms of sport, there’s never been a sportsman in any sport who’s dominated like he has. You think of the Borgs and McEnroes in tennis but Phil Taylor…
Can you a throw a dart, Jeff?
Well, I once beat Jamie Harvey, the Scottish darts player. It was four o’clock in the morning in Blackpool, fuelled by a couple of bottles of Scotch. I should add a rider to that. Jamie was throwing his darts backwards, with his back to the board. But I beat him.
A win’s a win Jeff. You can only beat what’s put in front of you.
Ha ha. Or behind you in this case.
Finally Jeff. What’s the biggest gaffe you’ve made?
Well, it’s not very funny I suppose, but one I made was after the Lee Bowyer trial. I said something like “Bowyer, back at his old stamping ground at Charlton.”
Magnficent.
It really was unintentional. But that’s the one that lives with me anyway.
Very finally Jeff. We’ve got a new feature lined up called Bond, Jeff Bond…
[Laughs long] Very funny.
Nice of you to say. Anyway, we reckon you could do a job as Bond. What do you think?
Ha ha. Somebody once wrote to the producers saying I should be the next Pierce Brosnan. The next time they want a short, fat, graying James Bond, I’m their man.
Jeff, thank you and good night. You’ve been a gent.
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