Tony Cascarino tops the 2011 Guff Parade

Published On January 17, 2012 | By Danger Here | Blog, Featured

40. Tony Cottee hailed Blackpool’s novel approach:
“They almost sort of try and outscore the other team.”

39. The red mist came down in Mike Parry’s games room:
“Making predictions is like throwing a dartboard at the fixture list.”

38. Paddy O’Connell dusted off his moon boots and scalpel:
“Beckham is no rocket surgeon.”

37. Kevin Moran and his silver linings:
“Part of Rio’s strength is that he’s not very good in the air anyway.”

36. Micky Quinn defended Wayne Rooney:
“A lot of people are jumping on the moral background.”

35. Darren Gough cut all ties:
“Charlie Adam has not said a dickie bow.”

34. Craig Burley stuck his neck out:
“If Scotland keep a clean sheet, they could get a draw.”

33. Harry Redknapp’s home from home:
“We’ve seen some great European nights at White Hart Lane this season, both home and away.”

32. Micky Quinn’s fatal attraction:
“Barcelona play football to die of.”

31. Clive Tyldesley caught on:
“Slow motion doesn’t reflect the speed at which that happened.”

30. Dwight Yorke was sitting pretty:
“Manchester United set their stool out early in the season.”

29. Glenn Hoddle padded out Peter Crouch’s CV:
“He’s played in World Cups and he’s played in international football.”

28. Warren Barton knew a winning position when he saw one:
“You’ve got to win your home games, particularly when you get the winner in the 89th minute.”

27. Paul Merson was gender imbalanced:
“What a call from the woman linesman.”

26. John Harkes left our leading scorer out in the cold:
“Robbie Keane has been knocking on the doorstep.”

25. Denis Law set high standards:
“Alex is one of the greatest managers that ever lived – and he could go on to be one of the best.”

24. More was less from Martin Keown:
“Arsenal look like they are just doing enough, and really that isn’t enough.”

23. Trevor Francis raised the alarm:
“The panic buttons were ringing.”

22. Micky Quinn bungled another operation:
“He decapitated him at the kneecaps.”

21. Alan Pardew replaced the chip on his shoulder:
“We showed we’re not a one-trick monkey.”

20. John Terry always disinfected battlefield equipment:
“This lance had to be boiled.”

19. Glenn Hoddle dug out Chelsea’s new hero:
“Sturridge has proved he can play under the big stages.”

18. Iain Dowie kept us in the loop:
“It’s end to end stuff… all West Brom”

17. James Burridge had some neck:
“He’s seized this game by the scruff of his teeth.”

16. Charlie Nicholas remained consistent:
“Nani knows he can’t be inconsistent one week, good the next.”

15. James Cooper bailed out the ManCitycrèche:
“Dzeko was accused of throwing his bathwater out of the pram.”

14. A clue as to why David Pleat is no longer in management?
“I’d always rather get beat 3-1 than 2-1.”

13. John Hartson went to hell and back defending Fabio Capello:
“It’s better to know the devil you know than to know the devil you don’t know, you know.”

12. Michael Owen liked his duck crispy:
“England have players who can rattle anyone’s feathers.”

11. Steve McClaren saw the way forward for England:
“We have to reduce our expectations and we have the players to do it.”

10. Efan Ekoku was a hard man to please:
“Two-nil is not a lead at any time.”

9. Alan Brazil got in a stew:
“Belgium is not the hotpot of European football.”

8. Micky Melon cursed his luck:
“The boys’ performance today was so good I’ve run out of expletives to describe it.”

7. Gary Neville liked what he saw:
“When Gareth Bale opens his legs like that, it’s just a magnificent sight.”

6. Robbie Savage made everyone a winner:
“The sign of a good team is not playing well.”

5. Matt Holland liked everything in its right place:
“To have the second leg second is great…”

4. Mike Phelan tore up the textbook:
“History is there to be broken.”

3. Phil Babb wasn’t sure Trap’s boys could rise to the playoffs:
“Ireland need fresh impotence.”

2. Ray Parlour was undecided on Avram Grant:
“Is it fifty per cent want him to leave and fifty want to keep him or is it the other way?”

1. Tony Cas gave Arsene Wenger a glimpse of what might have been:
“If he had strengthened, Arsenal could have been even stronger.”

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