30. Jamie Redknapp had Ricardo Fuller on the physio’s sofa:
“I don’t know what state of mind his body is in.”

29. Chris Kamara discovered an unbelievable rock formation:
“There’s a gulf in class that’s a mile wide at either side.”

28. Phil Neville felt Everton were so good he said it twice:
“I   think it’s fair to say we’re an improving team and a team that’s getting better.”

27. Paul Merson didn’t always have \’unbelievable belief’:
“When I was a player, I didn’t have confidence in my own belief.”

26. Ray Wilkins pointed out just how difficult it can be for managers to speak foreign:
“It’s the grammar side of things that really do throw you Richard.”

25. Aberdeen’s Jimmy Calderwood paid tribute to his Motherwell counterparts:
“We know it is going to be very difficult because Mark McGhee and Scott Leitch are winners. They showed that last year by finishing third.”

24. Jimmy Magee was wary of Wayne Rooney’s violent streak;
“Normally you’d expect to see him chip or shoot the keeper.”

23. Just what did Lyon’s centre-half ever do to George Hamilton?
“You can trace all that back to the sliced clearance from Boumsong, which led to a throw-in, which led to a free-kick, which led to a corner, which led to the goal.”

22. Tim Sherwood hailed Wayne Rooney for extending himself:
“He’s carved out such a partnership with Tevez. It’s telescopic at times.”

21. One bad break after another had Birmingham co-owner David Sullivan snookered;
“We were unlucky to sign a player from Spain and he played twenty minutes against Liverpool and did a crucible knee ligament.”

20. Garth Crooks would go down a storm at the tribunals;
“Justice is a dish best served cold.”

19. John Salako put the Premier League on the stage:
“He’s already on a yellow card, now he’s treading the boards.”

18. Norwich captain Mark Fotheringham had an unlikely solution to the club’s drinking problems:
“If anyone steps out of line they’ll get hammered.”

17. Paul Merson pondered the meaning of it all:
“Next year don’t come.”

16. Andy Townsend worried about tight marking:
“Servet is literally, literally right up his backside.”

15. Charlie Nicholas reminded us what’s what:
“Priorities come first.”

14. Brian Marwood couldn’t decide about Rafael van der Vaart:
“He’s not renowned for his trademark headers.”

13. Nothing got past David Pleat:
“I’m sure they’re going to bring on a couple of substitutes, probably from the bench.”

12. Archie McPherson remained baffled by time:
“I wonder just how long these four minutes will last?”

11. Jason McAteer helped Sky target female viewers:
“United have come out in the second half and dropped their gear.”

10. John Motson was harsh but fair:
“Liverpool had two players running on to that, three if you count Dirk Kuyt.”

9. Linfield manager David Jeffrey wasn’t about to relight the firework chucked by a Cliftonville supporter:
“The last thing I would want to do is inflame the situation.”

8. Amir Zaki reshuffled the Holy Trinity:
“I thank God for this success. Credit must also go to Dave Whelan and Steve Bruce.”

7. Shamrock Rovers’ gaffer Pat Scully filled the gaps in history:
“We had a training session on Tuesday and it was like World War Four.”

6. Alan Smith relaxed the biblical requirements for passage to heaven:
“It’s like trying to put a needle through a small hole.”

5. Kenny Cunningham found a way to give Liverpool’s season the kiss of life:
“Aston Villa are breathing down their throats.”

4. Jimmy Magee had a moment of clarity at Euro 2008:
“There were dozens of people coming in with hot-dogs, burgers and trays of beer. I thought that was just an American thing. Maybe they were Americans.”

3. A new Old Trafford captain prompted Rio Ferdinand to investigate the great Man U fireplace mystery;
“Giggsy has stepped in and taken up the mantelpiece”.

2. Ronnie Whelan was never satisfied:
“The owner has said he has a bottomless pit of money to get this club into shape. I think he might need a little bit more than that.”

1. Nothing changed for Jeff Stelling:
“The status quo is pretty much as it was.”

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