Terry Venables and his consistent guff

Published On November 23, 2010 | By Danger Here | Quotes 2010-2011

EL TEL YOU WHAT

Terry Venables – solver of all life’s great riddles:

“The teams that aren’t consistent enough are the teams that aren’t good enough because you’re not consistently good enough.”

IMF YOU

On a weekend when all and sundry were being bailed out by cheap gloom gags, Ger Canning at Birmingham ran up by far the greatest deficit:

“The fans are looking for an IMF – Improvement in the Midlanders’ Fortunes.”

GIVE OR TAKE

Speaking of which, all of the country’s top auditing firms were quick to sign off on Paul Merson’s accounts:

“A minute ago every single player was in the box bar two players.”

LOVELORN

Merse greets the final whistle at St Andrews – a game in which John Terry didn’t even play:

“Chelsea’s woos continue.”

DEER GOD

Ian Wright isn’t wild about Arsenal’s title chances:

“We need three world class players of that elk.”

DIFFERENT BALL GAME

There are times when you wonder what exactly Andy Gray has been watching all these years:

“They’ve got plenty of players who play like van der Vaart; Fabregas, Denilson, Song.”

THE LAST WORD

Still, when a contribution is there to be made, Andy is never afraid to step up:

Rob Hawthorne: “That’s a crucial touch by Clichy.”

Gray: “It was an important touch.”

GOOD SHOUT

Increasingly Micky Quinn is becoming a dinosaur, breed unknown:

“Ian Holloway’s rants are becoming more verocifous.”

LOW BLOW

Young Theo’s confidence has taken quite a battering over the years. In fairness, he’s always come back for more. But could Merse have finally broken him:

“Walcock!”

SING WHEN YOU’RE WINNING

Mansfield Town’s winner was music to Jeff Stelling’s ears:

“Luke Medley, they signed him from Barnet for a song – well, two or three songs.”

OUT ON A LIMB

David Speedie, Medicine Man:

“When you’re limping off with a hamstring injury, that’s not looking good, I can tell you from experience.”

GOAL OF THE CENTURY

Iain Dowie felt United’s opener against Wigan had been a long time coming:

“From fifteen years out on the right hand side, he curls a wonderful ball.”

HAMMFISTED

Chris Kamara is a Lightyear away from pun glory at the Hawthornes:

“Tchoyi has come on. What a story if he can score; a Tchoyi story.”

NOT THAT LATE

Craig Bellamy’s excuse having turned up late for his impressive Super Sunday punditing shift:

“It’s Christmas.”

SHEAR DUNCE

As soon as he gets home, Alan  Shearer’s missus makes him stand in the corner:

“I’ve got the hindsight of TV.”

……………….

GUFF STREAM

Pat Dolan pinches one from George Hamilton at Old Trafford:

“It’s hard to escape from Alcaraz.”

Charlie Nicholas figures out why Prince William turned up at Blackpool-Wolves:

“He’s checking out his stag weekend.”

Merse isn’t the only one beside himself:

“Kalou gets in. He gets round Kalou.”

Not really, Clive, no…

“Is this the same France that was such a shambles at the World Cup?”

Iain Dowie pronounces \’Monaco’ a little differently:

“He gets Adebayor from Sochaux for three million and sells him for 20 million.”

Tel couldn’t have been happier at the Emirates. Well maybe a little:

“Id like to see Palacios come on and make it a bit stiffer.”

Kevin Keegan’s PC reaction to Maxi Rodríguez’s header:

“A midget could score that goal, there’s nobody near him.”

Chris Mason drinks in the atmosphere at the darts:

“I quaff my cap.”

Spotter’s badges to  williambswygart, bootsybah, ichlugebullets, thegoal_line

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3 Responses to Terry Venables and his consistent guff

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