Terry Venables and his consistent guff
Terry Venables – solver of all life’s great riddles:
“The teams that aren’t consistent enough are the teams that aren’t good enough because you’re not consistently good enough.”
IMF YOU
On a weekend when all and sundry were being bailed out by cheap gloom gags, Ger Canning at Birmingham ran up by far the greatest deficit:
“The fans are looking for an IMF – Improvement in the Midlanders’ Fortunes.”
GIVE OR TAKE
Speaking of which, all of the country’s top auditing firms were quick to sign off on Paul Merson’s accounts:
“A minute ago every single player was in the box bar two players.”
LOVELORN
Merse greets the final whistle at St Andrews – a game in which John Terry didn’t even play:
“Chelsea’s woos continue.”
DEER GOD
Ian Wright isn’t wild about Arsenal’s title chances:
“We need three world class players of that elk.”
DIFFERENT BALL GAME
There are times when you wonder what exactly Andy Gray has been watching all these years:
“They’ve got plenty of players who play like van der Vaart; Fabregas, Denilson, Song.”
THE LAST WORD
Still, when a contribution is there to be made, Andy is never afraid to step up:
Rob Hawthorne: “That’s a crucial touch by Clichy.”
Gray: “It was an important touch.”
GOOD SHOUT
Increasingly Micky Quinn is becoming a dinosaur, breed unknown:
“Ian Holloway’s rants are becoming more verocifous.”
LOW BLOW
Young Theo’s confidence has taken quite a battering over the years. In fairness, he’s always come back for more. But could Merse have finally broken him:
“Walcock!”
SING WHEN YOU’RE WINNING
Mansfield Town’s winner was music to Jeff Stelling’s ears:
“Luke Medley, they signed him from Barnet for a song – well, two or three songs.”
OUT ON A LIMB
David Speedie, Medicine Man:
“When you’re limping off with a hamstring injury, that’s not looking good, I can tell you from experience.”
GOAL OF THE CENTURY
Iain Dowie felt United’s opener against Wigan had been a long time coming:
“From fifteen years out on the right hand side, he curls a wonderful ball.”
HAMMFISTED
Chris Kamara is a Lightyear away from pun glory at the Hawthornes:
“Tchoyi has come on. What a story if he can score; a Tchoyi story.”
NOT THAT LATE
Craig Bellamy’s excuse having turned up late for his impressive Super Sunday punditing shift:
“It’s Christmas.”
SHEAR DUNCE
As soon as he gets home, Alan Shearer’s missus makes him stand in the corner:
“I’ve got the hindsight of TV.”
……………….
GUFF STREAM
Pat Dolan pinches one from George Hamilton at Old Trafford:
“It’s hard to escape from Alcaraz.”
Charlie Nicholas figures out why Prince William turned up at Blackpool-Wolves:
“He’s checking out his stag weekend.”
Merse isn’t the only one beside himself:
“Kalou gets in. He gets round Kalou.”
Not really, Clive, no…
“Is this the same France that was such a shambles at the World Cup?”
Iain Dowie pronounces \’Monaco’ a little differently:
“He gets Adebayor from Sochaux for three million and sells him for 20 million.”
Tel couldn’t have been happier at the Emirates. Well maybe a little:
“Id like to see Palacios come on and make it a bit stiffer.”
Kevin Keegan’s PC reaction to Maxi RodrÃguez’s header:
“A midget could score that goal, there’s nobody near him.”
Chris Mason drinks in the atmosphere at the darts:
“I quaff my cap.”
Spotter’s badges to williambswygart, bootsybah, ichlugebullets, thegoal_line
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