Stelling comes down chimney, George tries his best, new autolino.  

With even Reidy back in employment, isn’t it high time the great managerial merry-go-round spat Graham Taylor back onto the spongy, padded surface of the Premier League? How can one of the game’s great confusionists be restricted to cameos during Hamburg – Villa on Five?

“Oooh, it’s only just over the bar, but over the bar is wide, isn’t it?”

After all, this is the maverick wordsmith who, just a couple of days earlier, coined a succinct new term for the right-angled extremities of the field of play:

“Chelsea have no width, and they are not playing in what I like to call the corners of the pitch.”

As Phil Neal would say, “Yes Boss”.

***

GIFT-WRAPPED

Christmas came early for Jeff Stelling with the latest rumour from Ewood Park:

“Santa Cruz has got a clause in his contract – a Santa clause.”

***

TOMORROW’S WORLD

Finally, after all the clamour for technology in football, the BBC reporter at Carlisle unveils an exciting new automation initiative that should soon make linesmen redundant:

“Leicester wanted offside but the flag was right to stay down.”

***

FAINT PRAISE

On a Saturday night with no “Big Four” action, George Hamilton did his best to warm up the audience during West Ham – Villa:

“It’s nil-nil but it could easily have been more.”

***

NOT ADDING UP

Two goals in short order for Wayne Rooney in Japan had Five’s Gerry Harrison’s abacus spinning:
“You said three in four games, Stan. Make that four in five.”

***

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

Shaun Maloney reveals the size of Gordon Strachan’s task keeping the Bhoys on side:
“The fans expect at least three points at Celtic Park.”

***

MAN IN THE MIRROR

Surely Charlie Nicholas doesn’t blame Arsenal’s current inconsistencies on his own champagne-fuelled stint in London?

“I have a few self-doubts about this team.”

***

CUE ACTION

The football world still has much to learn from its green baize brethren when it comes to guff possibilities. Terry Griffiths took this week’s Ooh Matron title:

“He’s certainly had a rub of the balls this evening, but the way he’s been going, who can begrudge him that?”

***

MAKING YOUR MIND UP

What gave you the impression that Tony Mowbray doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going?

“That first 45 minutes was typical of our season… but we haven’t had many halves like that…”

***

SO GOOD THEY SAID IT TWICE

Ronnie Whelan regrets borrowing Jamie Redknapp’s punditry manual:

“Arsenal’s young kids are inconsistent too often.”

So much so, he quickly passed it on to Peter Crouch:

“If you gave those all the time, you’d be giving them constantly.”

***

PAUSE BUTTON

Time stands still for Gerry Armstrong at El Clásico:  

“That hit him in the face and the hand at the same time, one after the other.”

 
 
 

 

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