Stan Collymore
Stan Collymore

100. Stan Collymore’s tabby was grateful for anything:

“Robbie Keane was like the cat that got the cheese.”

99. His side needed major surgery and after seeing Martin Fulop’s last-gasp save, Ricky Sbragia got started on himself:

“My heart was in my hand.”

98. Craig Burley found a silver lining in Arsenal’s defensive injuries:

“He’s got no option really but it means he’s got options.”

97. Steve Claridge had an acute case of foot in mouth:

“Unfortunately they just haven’t had their shooting or heading boots on today.”

96. Alan Brazil introduced a new Villa star to the big time:
“I wonder how Villa would fare with such injuries. It would be like them missing young Barry Milner… er sorry, misread that, I mean Young, Barry and Milner.”

95. Tony Cascarino had an interesting idea of what goes on in a comfort zone:
“Roy didn’t like players having their slippers on under the table.”

94. Phil Thompson devised the blueprint for avoiding relegation:
“The amount of mistakes you minimalise in games is fantastic.”

93. Johnny Giles didn’t give a damned united:

“Apparently it’s fiction based on fact. It’s arty farty nonsense if you ask me.”

92. Mark Wotte had no intention of using tiredness as an excuse:
“Tiredness is an easy excuse but I won’t use it. It was not Andrew Surman’s best game for us and I think he is suffering from fatigue like a lot of our players.”

91. Andy Ritchie proved a shrewd pundit:

“Ronaldo has got 10 goals already, and I expect him to get into double figures.”

90. Steve Froggatt felt Villa struggled with a double-layer of security:

“They need someone to unlock the key to the door.”

89. As far as Darren Bent is concerned, fortune favours the fortunate:

“Sometimes you get lucky and luckily enough I did.”
88. Stan Collymore’s bold vision for an expanded Premier League had some mathematical teething problems:

“…25 teams, 50 games a season.”

87. Don Hutchinson didn’t entirely get to grips with the tasks facing a pundit:
“Until we get the team news, it’s difficult to predict Sir Alex’s lineup.”

86. Jermaine Jenas paid tribute to \’Arry’s greatest trick yet:

“We needed some of these one-nils, we weren’t winning the one-nils before, we were either drawing or losing.”

85. Chris Waddle was dangerously close to grasping the vernacular of the modern footballer:

“Let Gerrard go forward and say to Barry, ‘You anchor’.”

84. Waddler had the definitive word on David Beckham’s appearance record:
“For me, there’s been a lot of players with a lot less caps.”
83. George Hamilton couldn’t quite calculate where it went wrong for Ireland against Bulgaria:
“Unfortunately the sum of the parts didn’t equate to each other.”

77. For a man with an economics degree, Arsene Wenger ran a sloppy balance sheet:

“Today we have a good side, we make profit and we pay our debtors back.”

76. Bill Leslie found just the solution for Harry Redknapp’s toxic emissions:

“Jamie O’Hara came on at half time and was the catalytic converter for a Spurs comeback.”

75. John Duggan gained a reputation for forensic attention to detail:

“Scotland v Iceland is a real three-pointer.”

74. Joe Royle made a few minor revisions to Shakespeare:

“Beware the ides of November.”

73. Mike Parry was sunk without his tools:

“Man City have put a spanner in the waves.”

72. Eamon Dunphy added another string to the bow of Ireland’s finest jockey: “The great coaches, Declan Kidney, Ruby Walsh…”

71. Paul Jewell cemented his status as one of the game’s great philosophers:

“Isn’t that always the way sometimes?”

70. Jeff Stelling refused to consider defeat ahead of the Tyne-Tees derby – for anyone:

“A draw is the worst possible result for both of them.”

69. Steve Claridge didn’t like to generalise when it came to random violence:
“You can’t beat everyone up all the time with the same brush.”

68. Kevin Blackwell took praise rather badly:

“If you said to me back in June when we returned for pre-season training that with three games to go we’d be in with a chance of automatic promotion, I’d have broken both your legs and your arms.”

67. Gary Bailey struck Eindhoven off his holiday plans:
“Even the Germans haven’t been in it (European Cup final) since PSV in 2005.”

66. Dean Ashton kept his mind active during his lay-off:

“If you think about it, running forms a large part of training and playing for any footballer.”

65. Clark Carlisle got out the loaves and fishes:

“United may only get three or four chances against you but they can end up scoring three, four or even five from them.”

64. Charlie Nicholas revealed the true horror of Phil Brown’s Eastlands lecture:

“Phil Brown that day exposed himself.”

63. Alan Parry was keen to sort out Andrei Arshavin’s head wound with a quick rub:

“Such is the art of physiotherapy these days, they may be able to do a temporary repair job until half time.”

62. Mickey Quinn occasionally misplaced his abacus:

“There are only a limited number of places in the top six.”

61. Jimmy Magee was no great respecter of Scandinavian international football:

“John Arne Riise, the Norwegian…73 caps for that country but he’d swap them all to put this in the net.”

60. Kevin Keegan caddied for Cesc Fabregas:

“The great players have a set of golf clubs in their feet.”

59. Mike Parry kept it local:

“Jo has become a national hero on half of Merseyside.”

58. Andy Gray had some strategic advice for Alex Ferguson:

“Manchester United now know they have to win their next game by at least one goal.”

57. Peter Drury took a roundabout approach to identifying a kick on the calf:

“He has just taken a nasty one on the back of the shin.”

56. Ray Hudson believed coloured refractions of light will help you pick out Thierry Henry in the box:
“He sees his target. Kaleidoscope eyes from Xavi.”

55. Lawro predicted the unpredictable:
“They (West Ham) are unpredictable and that’s the way they will be for the rest of the season.”

54. Gilesy made sure Ronnie Whelan got full credit for his remarkable insights:
“When they went on that run of 14 clean sheets, Eamon made the point that they weren’t scoring many goals and Ronnie made the point that they weren’t conceding many either.”

53. Chris Kamara sized up Carlos Tevez:

“They’ve got this man with a heart as big as…as big as… a plate.”

52. Paul Merson bemoaned Arsenal’s lack of killer instinct:

“They’re lacking that real streak of bang.”

51. Scott Minto always erred on the side of caution:

“Newcastle had a lot of players making their debuts tonight. Some of them haven’t played many games for Newcastle at all.”

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