SQUEAKY BUM TIME

Even with Liverpool two up, Glenn Hoddle smelled a comeback:

“United will break caution to the wind.”

MORE IS LESS

Enough is enough from Martin Keown:

“Arsenal look like they are just doing enough, and really that isn’t enough.”

HIGH LINE

Charlie Nicholas took a dim view of Kolo Toure’s diet pills, but although he seemed to agree with his compatriot’s viewpoint, Alan McInally wasn’t going to be deterred from dabbling himself:

“I’m taking the Charlie line.”

KEEPING IT SIMPLE

Big Trevor Welch shows his appreciation for those disciplined stars who refuse to lurch along seal-like with the ball glued to their nose, instead opting for the:

“…nice first-time header”

SPLITTING HAIRS

Tony Cascarino went out on a limb to explain his retirement:

“I didn’t stop playing because my legs were gone, I quit because my knee went kaput.”

CAPITAL OFFENCE

After many and varied punishments have been tried and failed, Charlie Nicholas feels the time is right to take more definitive action with El Hadji Diouf

“I will say right here and now that his world should be brought to an end today.”

SPEAR TACKLE

In fairness to Charlie, he’d probably use more humane methods than the ones Ray Hudson uncovered in the Mestalla:

“Just like in that movie Jaws where they stuck a spear in it and then three barrels, it didn’t slow Jaws down and it doesn’t slow Messi down.”

LOWE BLOW

Rebecca Lowe detected some potential in Arsenal’s Conor Henderson, but only if we keep our grubby mitts off him:

“He has played for the Republic of Ireland under-19s but I don’t think that rules him out of the full England team, so we could see a future star tonight.”

DEEP POCKETS

Jamie Redknapp continues to give generously and he’s not the only one:

“Fabregas misses out but Samir Nasri will be the benefactor.”

CRYSTAL CLEAR

Adrian Chiles is at pains to point out that Mario Balotelli hasn’t been hand-blown:

“He’s got a bit of a glass jaw, metaphorically speaking of course.”

OUT OF GAS

Lawro: “Where does Carr get the energy from?”

Guy Mowbray: “He’s still motoring.”

TORN

At least neither of the masts are attempting to support Mickey Quinn:

“I can’t really pin my colours to which mast I am supporting.”

STICKY WICKET

The Cricket World Cup might have captured the imagination since Ireland beat England, but Bob Willis isn’t too sure about the catering out there:

“Jonathan Trott is the glue in the sandwich.”

GUFF STREAM

Jeff Stelling takes the biscuit:
“Jacobs scores for Northampton Town, probably a cracker!”

Trevor Francis raises the alarm:
“The panic buttons were ringing.”

Alan McInally pulls another one out of the air:
“Ashley Cole has not ingraced himself to a lot of people.”

Kevin Keegan talks nonsense round the clock
“Sometimes the pendulum swings both ways.”

Lawro is losing his touch:
“Sometimes you can’t defend the indefensible.”

Darren Gough buries Gerard Houllier deep in the mire:
“Aston Villa are four points below the drop zone.”

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