[sws_blockquote_endquote align=”” cite=”The always-consistent Charlie Nicholas.” quotestyle=”style02″] “Nani knows he can’t be inconsistent one week, good the next.” [/sws_blockquote_endquote]

PURE SPECULATION

Stan Collymore floats another one of his theories:

“Darren Bent could have doubled the lead, which I’m sure would have made a difference to the scoreline.”

LAWS UNTO HIMSELF

One week on from United-Chelsea, Paul Merson still pines for the game he once knew:

“How is it not a penalty because the ball is out of play? Where’s that rule come from?”

TIME IMMEMORIAL

Despite what you might think, Merse didn’t come down in the last shower. In fact, he goes back a long way:

“George Graham was the best defensive coach ever… of my generation.”

REF JUSTICE

Sky might also think about getting Ray Wilkins a rule book. After Armand Traore was sent off against Villa:

“He was  about to walk down the tunnel. Stay out and cheer on your teammates.”

[sws_blue_box box_size=”500″]JAMIE’S LITERAL ADVENTURES – PART 1,223,345

Jamie intercepts a levitating  David Silva :

“He literally floats around the pitch.” [/sws_blue_box]

RHYME NOR REASON

Yes sir, yes, sir. Premier Soccer Saturday’s Eamonn Donoghue fills three bags full of guff over Demba Ba hat-trick:

“Ba Ba Blackburn sleep… Lots for Kean to mull.”

SOME NECK

James Burridge’s career in dentistry never really got started:

“He’s seized this game by the scruff of his teeth.”

MOUTHFUL

Graham Taylor remembers another of his legendary sean fhocail:

“There’s a famous saying; ‘If you pass the square ball in your own defensive third it must not be intercepted’.”

GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN

Chris Kamara knows exactly how Chicharito likes his eggs done after a sneaky hunt in his neighbour’s manor:

“Hernandez is a poacher in every sense of the word.”

SAY WHAT YOU SEE

With Robbie Savage:

“Peter Crouch is a massive asset.”

BLIND FAITH

Brian Marwood watched a magical Man City-Barcelona youth game:

“You could close your eyes and see a young Iniesta or a young Xavi.”

TOTAL CROCK

No stranger to roadside pull-overs in his time, Stan Collymore’s dogged attempts at metaphor construction are in dire need of breakdown assistance:

“Louis Saha’s been on and off the pitch more times than a… sort of… RAC or AA bloke.”

[sws_blue_box box_size=”501″]

GUFF STREAM

Talksport’s Ian Abrahams spots a low act:
“By calling him a chicken, he’s trying to get under his manhood.”

Roddy Collins splits hairs on Shamrock Rovers’ European prospects:
“There must be a different mind-set for Rovers. Don’t let this be the first, let this be the beginning.”

Might Paul Merson also have hit the bar?
“Dyer’s shot is deflected and hits the cross of the bar.”

You never know what you’re going to get with Five Live’s Ian Brown:
“He’s a bit of a Dzeko & Hyde character.”

Kenny Dalglish leads by example:
“I just hope they are as intelligent as what we have been.”

Arsene Wenger gives journos the cold shoulder:
“I am supposed to take the bullets and absorb them – like a polar bear.”

[/sws_blue_box]

 


 

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