Football - Fulham v Manchester United Barclays Premier League

Man United plan to sell Wayne Rooney … oh no hang on a minute … it’s ok, don’t panic! It’s in the Express, the paper that brings us news about people who claim to have found a likeness of Princess Di in a block of cheese. (Admittedly, if you squint and tilt your head, the accompanying photo does look like Princess Di if she’d once gone to a fancy dress party disguised as a block of cheese.)

I’m guessing the Express’ football journalists don’t want to leave the office during this cold snap, and so decided to just make something up. I’m also guessing that the “leading sports administrator” they quote is in fact the office tea boy – well, he administers tea to sports reporters, therefore he is a sports administrator.

Anyhow, here is the headline rewritten to reflect the true status of Rooney at Old Trafford: debt crisis may force Manchester United to sell Rooney, but then again, it may not.

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