Ardiles strokes the 
ball like it was part
of his anatomy. 
Jimmy Magee

 Total and utter control. Oh there's a loose one. Danger here.....

Week 6. Ronglish Superlatives
Ronglish lessons 1-5 serve as a comprehensive introduction to the nuances of Big Ron's expert punditry. That's not to say, however, that these lessons cover every conceivable facet of Ronglish. Far from it - the unique punditry of Mr. Ronathan Atkinson cannot be neatly parcelled into a few simple lessons. For this reason, we provide a forum for devotees of Big Ron to provide fresh Ronglish insights to others of a like mind. This week, we learn how to construct our own Ronglish superlatives.  
13. Constructing Ronglish superlatives
Whenever Ron witnesses an incident of profound skill from high atop his gantry in the stand - be it a cracking save from the goalkeeper, an expertly timed last-ditch tackle, or perhaps a particularly intricate mazy run - he invariably voices his admiration in the most singular terms. 

Run-of-the-mill commentators would merely highlight the skill used and return to the matter at hand - namely, commentating on the game. Not Big Ron. The bejewelled genius unerringly follows a very specific three-stage formula at times like this, the result of which serves three distinct purposes. 

First, it reminds the listener of Ron's vast experience of Association Football at all levels, right up to the very top. 

Second, it provides a legalistic get-out clause that enables Ron to renounce said comment at any time in the future. 

Third, it adds to the drama of the occasion by informing the listener that Ron has never, in fact, witnessed a finer example of the piece of skill in question.

Let's run through Ron's three-stage formula.

Ron begins with a standard "Tell you what..."

He continues with 

(a) a reference to his knowledge of the game

This reference, it should be noted, is never backed up with specific examples. It generally runs thus: "...I've seen a lot of good [tackles]/[runs]/[shots]/[saves]/[etc] in my time..."

(b) use of a conditional tense

This allows for the possibility that the statement may subsequently turn out to be patent nonsense: "...but that just might be..." Alternatively, when Ron is feeling especially cocky, he may dare listeners to disagree with him.

(c) an extravagant claim

This is the coup de grace. It usually runs thus: "...the best [tackle]/[run]/[shot]/[save]/[etc] in European football ever!"