| |
|
Total
and utter control. Oh there's a loose one. Danger
here..... |
|
|
|
Week 4. Ronglish, Some Lesser Known Gems |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Our
Ronglish lessons 1,
2, and 3
are certainly enough to get you
co-commentating today. However, to ice the cake of
your resume, check out these advanced
Ronglish maneouvers to separate yourself from the
Mick Martins of the punditry game. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 10.
installments |
|
|
|
| Fast-moving
Ron is particularly skeptical of the Beautiful
Game's less lively protagonists. The poet of the
gantry has a host of barbed dismissals in his
locker, but "in installments" is
reserved for displays of ground-breaking slowness.
Ron
might say: Tell you what, I know Big Quinny's
lightning slow but he was JCBing it there. Reckon
I've seen the QE2 turn faster and the big lad's
gone in the box in installments.
Mrs Ron might say: Blimey Ron, get a move
on love. You're peeling those spuds in
installments. It's help, for a start, if you got
rid of some of those rings.
Ronglish points: ***
"Installments"
has become extremely popular with the kind of
pundit who might also suggest that wingers go down
"like a sack of spuds". Stand up Jim
Beglin. We reckon though that the whole slowness
area is one on which Ron must keep working, if
only to beat off competition from the classic
Dunphy description of a tardily diving goalie - "He's
gone down like a roll of lino".
|
|
|
|
| 11.
like Buddy Holly |
|
|
|
|
In some of daring
Ron's less politically correct moments, he
evokes the memory of the unfortunate crooner's
airborne demise, to paint a picture of any
sudden descent to earth. In an ironic twist,
many of the charlatans whose tumbles Ron has
likened to Holly's, emerge gleefully unscathed -
in marked contrast to Buddy's fatal freefall.
Ron
might say : Tell
you what, I know the lad's got a nudge early
doors, but big Heskey's gone down like Buddy
Holly there.
Ron
should probably say: Oops
a daisy, big Heskey's taken a tumble there but
it looks innocuous. Quite unlike that horrible
air crash that claimed the life of popular
entertainer Buddy Holly many years ago. Lord
rest him.
Ronglish
points: 0
Quite properly,
most pundits have given the "Buddy
Holly" a wide berth. It is even suggested
that Ron might be responsible for Dennis
Bergkamp's alleged newfound fear of diving.
Still genius though.
|
|
|
|
| 12.
Wide Awake Club |
|
|
|
|
Child
at heart Ron recalls the - mercifully brief -
glory days of would-be entertainer Timmy Mallett,
to rebuke players who react less than brightly
when presented with a goalscoring opportunity.
Ron
might say:
Tell you what, Clive, little Scholesy's done
wonders there to ghost in and pop that off. Just
a shame Coley's not in the wide awake club
tonight.
Mrs
Ron might say: Nightmare
day at the sales, Ron. First, I've broken a heel down Marks and Sparks and gone
down like Buddy Holly. Fraid I was so shaken, I
missed the last of those sheepskins you fancied.
Just wasn't in the wide awake club, dear.
Ronglish
points: **
No
harm in trying Ron, but no comeback beckons for
the former breakfast-time irritant. Still, as an
avid follower of the Mallett career, Ron is
expected to utter any day now, "..great
strike but just an itsy bitsy teeny weeny bit
wide".
Next week:
You can repeat the Ronglish basics till the cows
come home, but it takes a little bit extra to
become a fantastic co-commentator. Next week, we
show you how to push back the frontiers of
Ronglish, by analysing how Ron himself deals
with complex commentating situations.
In other words, some classic quotes from the big
man. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
