Once Tony Daley 
opens his legs, 
you've got a problem.
Howard Wilkinson
 
           
 

 Total and utter control. Oh there's a loose one. Danger here.....

Week 3. Ronglish, More Invaluable Lessons 
Ronglish is getting complex now so it may be best to fully acquaint yourselves with lessons 1 and 2 before proceeding. This week, we put into practice three more Ronglish building blocks - and not forgetting that everyone can't be a venerable tanned co-comentator -  we again show how to integrate these vital phrases into daily life.   
7. amusement arcade
Much as he likes a player to have a trick "in his locker", suspicious Ron is wary of the gent who sells one lollipop too many at the expense of "knocking it out of his feet" and "having a dig". Such dilettantes are dismissed as amusement arcades.

Ron might say: Alright, the big Nigerian's a crowd pleaser, Clive, but by 'eck he can be a bit of an amusement arcade. Go on son, give it the full gun!

Mrs Ron might say: Ron love, that new Au Pair's got to go and no mistake. All right, she keeps you entertained with a few card tricks of an evening but look at the state of my kitchen floor. And what about those pans? Mark my words, that girl's just an amusement arcade.

Ronglish points: **

A recent classic from the king of guff. We expect Ron to shortly bring this favourite into the technology age, by making David Ginola the first Sony Playstation to play in the Premiership.

8. crowd scene
Ron always likes to give it a bit of Hollywood but this movie reference evokes sad memories of the big man's alleged failure to cut the mustard as a terrified villager in the first Indiana Jones film. Nowadays, every packed goalmouth reminds Ron of what might have been. Still the silver screen's loss is comic co-commentary's gain.

Ron might say if the BBC Liverpool Fan Club didn't have rights to the game: Rivaldo's loaded that in the mixer again but the way Liverpool are defending, it's a (sob) crowd scene in there.

Mrs. Ron might say: Enough's enough Ron. Get Marshey and the rest out of my kitchen quick smart. It's a crowd scene in there and I've got our Tracy coming round. Don't know why you've got that lot over anyway. It's not as if they haven't seen a few card tricks before.

Ronglish points: ***

Obviously, the crowd scene doesn't have the same emotional baggage for other pundits. But here at DangerHere Towers, we reckon we've heard Jim Beglin slip one into a particularly backs to the wall Irish performance. Something like - "You gotta say it's a crowd scene in there, George". However, the suggestion that George replied "Shades of the Temple of Doom" is just silly.

9. tell you what
The fledgling language's single most indispensable element. Complex Ronglish syntax rules state that 'tell you what' must preface every exclamation, statement of fact, or off-the-cuff remark. Be warned also that this landmark phrase can signal the beginning of an extended tirade of pure Ronglish.

Ron might say: Tell you what, spotter's badge for Zola early doors, Hasselbaink's given it the full gun, and there's Wisey sneaking in at the second post.

Mrs Ron might say: Tell you what, that dress is a bit tasty Ron. Get your wallet out... and mind your back love.

Ronglish points: **********

Ronglish's flagship has been adopted by all manner of pundit and punter. Gray has checked in for 'tell you what' addiction treatment, wily campaigners like Beglin, Hansen and Lawrenson always have one to hand, and even jokers like Welsh and Cooney occasionally pretend to be professional broadcasters and try one out for size.

Next week: 
Such is the popular demand for a Ronglish education, we extend our series to bring you some lesser known,  yet equally vital,  Ron phrases.