It's EQUAL STEVEN
now, George.
John Giles
 
            
 

 Total and utter control. Oh there's a loose one. Danger here.....

Week 2. Ronglish, More Essential Phrases 
Building on last weeks introduction to the high-octane world of football
co-commentary, our second Ronglish lesson features three more invaluable phrases to impress the Clive Tyldsley in your life.
 
4. early doors
Ron's rather uneconomical alternative for the times when he finds the word 'early' on its own somehow doesn't quite get across the earliness of the situation.

Ron might say: Well United went one down early doors, but all credit, those four penalties certainly got them back in it.

Mrs Ron might say: Sorry about your steak Ron, love. I've put it in the oven early doors but I forgot to turn it on, didn't I? Just one of those things, at the end of the day.

Point of interest: A DangerHere correspondent who has watched too much football has said at a job interview: Well, I've come out of college and I've gone into telesales early doors.

Ronglish points: ******

Possibly Ron's finest hour. A completely useless phrase unanimously adopted by everyone in football, as well as everyone at DangerHere Towers, and most of the English-speaking world. Though sadly not quite so ubiquitous that our man got that job.

5. full gun
Ron's gangsta tendencies come to the fore with this succinct description of a powerful shot. Curiously, this is normally used only when, despite the fullness of the gun, the brave custodian manages to thwart the violent assault on goal.

Ron might say: Blimey, Parlour's given that the full gun, but it's gone straight down Flowers' throat.

Mrs Ron might say: Bless my soul Ron, I've come unstuck on the M1 again. I'd just given your new Beamer the full gun when the filth arrived on the scene. If it happens again, they reckon I'm doing porridge mate.

Ronglish points: *

No takers on the 'full gun' to date, though Ray Parlour is said to have been pestered lately with unwanted attention from the piece-loving Jennifer Lopez.

6. little eyebrows
The rich visual content of the Ronglish vocabulary is showcased with this delightful description of a glancing backward header. Often used in conjunction with 'second post'.

Ron might have said in 1989: It's gone in there, little eyebrows from Bouldy and there's big Tone steaming in at the second post.

Ron might say in 2001, despite Arsenal not having scored in this fashion for several centuries: The Arsenal are great in these positions, Clive. Just needs a little eyebrows at the first post and big Tone will be in round the back.

Ronglish points: *

Possibly because of the sheer degree of difficulty, nobody has yet attempted to pull off the 'little eyebrows'. It's possible also that Andy Gray has been deterred only because he can't get out of his mind the anything-but-little eyebrows, sported by Richard Keys.

Click here for last week's Ronglish lesson.

Next week: Even more Ronglish classics

- crowd scene
- amusement arcade
- tell you what