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Total
and utter control. Oh there's a loose one. Danger
here..... |
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Week 10. Ronglish: We're only getting started |
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'Let
it be', the Beatles once implored, having
witnessed a particularly Ronglish filled
commentary on a Burnley-Liverpool League Cup tie.
Ron, of course, refused to listen and to this day
continues to develop his complex language. This
week, we bring you 3 more Ronglish classics to
confuse the John Champion in your life. |
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| Cheating
Position |
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We often wonder was it the gantry's goldenest
geezer who first invented "the hole",
that land of great prosperity normally populated
by gloved amusement arcades who just don't fancy
challenging for headers with the centre-halves. If
it was, Ron cannot be best pleased to hear
every Tom, Dick, and Jim Beglin get the
shovels out any time a lazy frontman can't be
arsed getting in the box.
This may be why the great man has had to go
to extra lengths to define this mythical role -
perhaps even drawing on a little personal
experience to sum up the illicit pleasures
enjoyed by a number 10 ignoring his inconvenient
everyday responsibilities.
Ron might say: Tell you what, Clive, I
don't think the little ginger fella's enjoying the
attention of these two outhouses. He's begun to
drift a little...taken up the cheating position,
if you like.
Mrs Ron might say:
Notice from DangerHere Towers legal department:
While we assure you that the lads did indeed
canvas all the Mrs Ron's in existence for their
views on Ron's Cheating Position, we cannot reveal
the nature of these discussions until a number of
'alternative' Ron biography deals have been
finalised.
Ronglish Points: ***
Anything that might make 'funny' Ally McCoist
shift uneasily in his seat during commentary is
alright by us.
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| Easy
Oasy |
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The array of jewels adorning Ron's person is testament
indeed to the big man's willingness to mix and
match. And a school of thought exists that this
commonly used piece of Ronglish is, in fact, a
cunning amalgamation of the words, easy-going and
lazy. And what Ron shall put together, let do man
pull apart. So from here on in, WWF wrestler
turned occasional footballer, Emille Heskey, shall
be know in these quarters as nothing
else.
Ron might say: Funnily enough, Clive. I've
thought Heskey's been a bit easy-oasy all night,
but that was a stick-on. The big feller really
should have notched.
Mrs. Ron might say: If you don't like those
parsnips, just say so, Ron. You've been easy-oasy
about this dinner from the off. Come on big man,
that champers is staying put til you've cleaned
your plate.
Ronglish Points: *****
The English language fails us when we try to
describe the Liverpool punt chaser and his ilk. As
we speak, Ron is hard at work devising a way of
summing up his 50 yard first touch.
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| Gone Empty |
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Always a
man keen to be let off the leash, Ron gets
particularly excited when he sees a player given a
bit of latitude by opposing defenders. If the
escapee in question is a bit of an amusement
arcade and Ron thinks there's no immediate danger,
he may content himself with an "in
acres". But if he fancies the unfettered
attacker may give it the full gun, it's got to be
"gone empty".
Funnily enough, Ron has so far resisted the
temptation to describe good defending as
"putting out the empties". However, a
player who picks out a teammate who has gone empty
automatically earns a spotters badge.
Ron might say: Tell
you what, Clive, shame the little ginger fella's
not in the Wide Awake Club there, cos if he could
have dug one out, Coley was in acres and Van
Nistelrooy'd gone empty at the second post.
*Examiner's note...Ronglish variation
Ever the pro, Ron has prepared some variations on
the emptiness theme to cater for every
eventuality. For example, a player not noted for
his industry might be said to be "standing
empty".
In such a case, Ron might say: I know it's a
bit of a crowd scene but little Pahars had got the
blinkers on there, Clive. Didn't spot Le Tissier
standing empty at the far stick.
Mrs Ron might say:
I don't care which current manager's her father, Ron. Just cos she's
standing empty in a nightclub doesn't mean you've
got to buy her a drink.
Ronglish Points: ***
Loads of potential here. Even if only for the
possibility that Ron will take the obvious course
and one day describe a tightly marked Gazza as
being full.
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Spotter's
badge to Steve Morris for his sterling work in the
field of Ronglish research. Your son will be very
proud. |
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Click
here for earlier Ronglish lessons
Send your Ronglish suggestions to editor@dangerhere.com
or post a message on our boards. |
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