Fast-moving Ron is particularly skeptical of the beautiful game’s less lively protagonists.

The poet of the gantry has a host of barbed dismissals in his locker, but “in installments” is reserved for displays of ground-breaking slowness.

“Installments” has become extremely popular with the kind of pundit who might also suggest that wingers go down “like a sack of spuds”. Stand up Jim Beglin.

Ron might say:

Tell you what, I know Big Doherty is lightning slow but he was JCBing it there. Reckon I’ve seen the QE2 turn faster and the big lad’s gone in the box in installments.

Mrs Ron might say:

Blimey Ron, get a move on love. You’re peeling those spuds in installments. It’d help, for a start, if you got rid of some of those rings.

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