Latest recipient of the Glenn Hoddle Award for Airy Fairy Football Theories is Arsenal striker, Robin van Persie who is hoping to speed up his recovery from a ligament injury by visiting a Serbian lady who specialises in, umm, unconventional treatments. Mr van Persie isn’t quite sure how she intends to treat him saying, “She is vague about her methods but I know she first massages you for a long time with placenta fluid.” Yuck. That sounds suspiciously like the sort of thing you’d see advertised alongside ‘French lessons’ on the back pages of certain newspapers, but whatever rocks his boat. However, I am familiar with her work and can categorically state further treatments will include the application of snake oil, an exercise regime using old rope and the consumption of Scotch mist. Following this Robin will return to Arsenal where the resident therapists will inflict the kind of torture only physios are capable of for daring to doubt their abilities.