POOR OLD MERSE

Steve Bruce basks:    “We’ll enjoy a glass or two tonight.”

Back to Richard Keys and a startled Paul Merson: “You know a bit about that yourself… the highs and lows of management.”

Keys wasn’t done: “250-1 eh!”

Cruel.

YOU JUST KNEW

Just when Fergie needed a spark, Five Live’s Alan Green stepped up to the plate:

“Aston Villa 2, Manchester United nil…United are beaten!”

To be fair to Alan, at least he knows his mind:

“The quality is absolutely non-existent, by and large.”

TWIST IN THE TALE

Phil Thompson hailed some Olympic-standard flexibility from Bolton’s Johan  Elmander.

“He gets the ball. He’s got his back to it.”

WHO ARE YA?

Godfather of existentialism Thommo was also on hand to nip Aston Villa’s identity crisis in the bud:

“John Carew has to realise, he’s there, he’s at the club and everything.”

SHORT-CHANGED

Micky Quinn is just happy to grab what he can:

“As they say, ‘A bird in the hand is worth one in the bush.”

KAMARA CHAMELEON

Chris Kamara is in two minds:

“There’s no chance, Jeff. But there is a possibility.”

OPTIMISM OF THE WEEK

David Pleat believes England’s players “will set Andy Carroll a good example.”

MAN OF MANY WORDS

Palindromic punditry with Paul Merson:

“It’s a bad touch and his touch is bad.”

BARTON STINK

The Merse’s next throw of the dice was a touch harsh on Morten Gamst  Pedersen:

“He’s (Joey Barton) moved all the way up, hit a snake and is back to square one again.”

MIXED BAG

No matter how well Barton plays, you suspect Chris Hughton would like him to keep his violent streak:

“I hope he goes on to have a fabulent season.”

FIGHTING LIKE COCKERELS

Talksport’s Andrew McKenna breaks news of a massive split in the White Hart Lane dressing room:

“In the Premier League, it’s Stoke against Birmingham and Tottenham against Spurs.”
DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THEM, BILL

According to Gilesy’s new book, football’s most studious pundit didn’t always have the boundless appetite for research we see today:

“I had a very casual approach. I played golf on the day of a match and came into the studio at the last minute, with little or no preparation.”

KEEP THE RECEIPTS

Alan McInally was bitterly disappointed at the lack of payslips on show at Eastlands during the derby:

“This was a real chance for Man City to go and prove they have spent money.”

WORTH A TRY

Payback for the Henry handball will come direct from the Swiss vaults according to Stephen McNamara on The Last Word:

“In a week when Sepp Blatter is over here looking after Ireland’s finances…”

PRE-RUPERT

Richard Keys goes into unchartered territory:

“The Manchester derby goes back to almost the beginning of time.”

Funny, because we’re nearly certain the sides met a couple of times even before August 1992.

ALL IN THE PAST

Merse is another one stuck in the history books:

“You know what the Premiership is all about Jeff. It’s all about yesterday.”

QUICK ONE-TWOS

Jeff Stelling thought the Manchester derby was cobblers:

“The only person to get in the box in Manchester this week was Jack Duckworth.”

Paul Walsh, geezer and tautologist:

“He’d drilled the cross across.”

Jean Beausejour not playing so well for Birmingham. Merse:

“The lad Bo-jay is a fish up a tree.”

Didier Drogba is outnumbered:

“They had more legs than us.”

Chris Waddle is Chris Waddle:

“A pelanty is a pelanty.”

Something’s been bugging Lawro about the City gaffer:

“There’s an Italian-ness about the manager.”

Frank Bruno makes a case for Audley Harrison:

“He’s more underestimated than a lot of people give him credit for.”

Spotter’s badges to Toby Shackleton, niall77, bpfootball, bootsybah and  VinCharles

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