CAS DIGS DEEP

Let’s give the final verdict on Thierry Henry to that unlikely inhabitant of any moral high ground, Tony Cas:

“Deep down, he’s quite shallow.”

HULLIN LIMBO

Anyway, Henry’s sneaky digital dexterity was overshadowed on Saturday, when the ever-vigilant Paul Merson spotted a magnificent act of agility from Hull’s Kamil Zayatte:

“Down on his knees, he’s volleyed it in.”

JACK OF NO TRADES

It’s becoming increasingly evident that Merse’s marital difficulties had nothing to do with his gambling, drinking and drug-taking. He just couldn’t be trusted to measure for curtains:

“It’s a header from Collison from about 18 yards out, he gets up above Dawson and heads if from the penalty spot.”

BLUEPRINT FOR SUCCESS

Grilled by Ian Payne on Goals on Sunday, Wolves’ Greg Halford eventually blew the lid off Mick McCarthy’s closely guarded – if someone clumsily worded –  tactical masterplan:

“We went there with a game plan.” “Which was?” “To concede as less as we can?”

IN DENIAL

Arsene Wenger’s eyesight is getting worse:
“They (Sunderland) had no chance. I cannot see when they had a chance.”

BACK TO THE FUTURE

On Soccer Saturday, it was clear that an exhausting week of time travel had taken its toll on Matt Le Tissier:

“FIFA really have to bring football into the 21st century…” Turns to the rest of the panel, sensibly looking beyond Merson. ”…or is it the 22nd century? I’m not sure.”

FAST FORWARD
Always an obliging sort, Le Tiss gave one Five Live commentator a quick spin on his time machine:

“The match started five minutes late due to the minute’s silence beforehand.”

OPERATION TRANSFORMATION

In the operating theatre, Phil Neville always insists on a local anesthetic so he can make sure the medics don’t pull any funny stuff:

“When you have got red blood you cannot see yourself with blue blood.”

SICK AS A PARROTT

Falkirk’s Darren Barr instigates a ban on clichés. Starting tomorrow:

“If you hide behind clichés, we’ll be dead and buried by January.”

HORSEPLAY

The news that Glenn Johnson was the latest footballer to join the Serbian placenta pilgrimage caused some amusement on Soccer Saturday:

Jeff Stelling: “The horse placenta didn’t work, but it gave him a gee-up.”

Charlie Nicolas: “That’s pony.”

CIRCUS ACT

With Gael Kakuta in the Chelsea squad, Jimmy Magee was all set for a freak show: “The much talked about child-man.” Exhilarated afterwards with what he saw, Jimmy signed of as only Jimmy can:

“A fabulous day at the Bridge and you can add Stamford to that.”

GREEK GOD

Could one good thing have come from all the Henry business? Is Des Cahill set for a return to the old Thessalonica homestead:

“It made me even more homesick when I heard about the celebrations on the Greek flight home.”

MORE HENRY GUFF

Joe Duffy reckons a small bit of pressure on the French will do the trick:
“They have conceded on other fronts in the past.”

George reacted to the handball in the only way he knew, with a mixed metaphor:

“If the boot was on the other foot it would be sauce for the gander.”

Paul Ince preaches inclusivity:

“This is no anti-foreigner rant. It’s just an illustration of how in-bred cheating is on the continent and how it’s infected Henry.”

Ronnie Whelan got it spot on:

“Ireland play well against the bigger teams, we nearly beat Italy and I think we can do the same against France.

Patrick Barclay still has one foot in Bertieland:

“I thought it was tasteless of the Irish Prime Minister Brian Aherne to bring it up with Sarkozy.”