alan_smith

GLOBAL AFFAIRS

The handshake that never was produced some beautifully-chosen words from Alan Smith:

“The world and his wife were watching at  Stamford  Bridge  earlier.”

Bet the world was keeping a close eye on her.

ONE TOO MANY

As if  Chelsea  didn’t have enough problems,  Gilesy  spotted another breach of discipline against Inter Milan:

“John Terry looks  legless.”

SEXY FOOTBALL

In fairness to the Blues, at least they  have  managed to keep  the technical area relatively scandal-free.  Not so Arsenal, according to one international feed commentator:

“Arsene Wenger is gyrating furiously with the fourth official.”

DIFFERENT STROKES

Look deep into your heart and consider which of these San Siro verdicts came from Chris Kamara and which from Eamon Dunphy:

“I thought in the week he was a success at left back.”

“Malouda, playing at left back, was terrible.”

CORKFLOORED

In a grim week for  Cork  City  fans, Red FM brought more uncomfortable news:

“They’ve had the rug pulled out from under their carpet.”

TALKING FOREIGN

Perry Groves continues his inevitable march towards an administrative role in  Brussels:

“Robert Mancini’s got that Italian style… the old joie de vivre.”

JUST TEASING US

Clive  Tyldesley  kicked off Inter-Chelsea with a promise he sadly couldn’t keep:

“It’s time for the talking to stop…”

DUE A SERVICE

A late substitution by CSKA Moscow  saw  Stephen Alkin  splutter  into rather laboured action:

“Honda, the misfiring Japanese player, will be taken to the… the maintenance yard.”

CLEAN SLATE

But there was a reprieve from Alkin for  Mark Gonzales:

“The former  Liverpool  reject has got them back level.”

IT’S COME TO THIS

Dale Binns scores for Hayes and Yeading and Matt Le Tissier  also seizes his chance: “How did he score, he’s rubbish.”

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Richard Keys to Paul Merson:

“If  you were a  betting man,  Paul…”

UNLUCKY

Paul Walsh  wanted to have his cake and eat it too:

“They’ve just had a huge chunk of slice.”

LIVING IN A BOX

Before Saturday’s reverse, Bobby Gould  was certain  Chelsea  already had the title in cold storage:

“Manchester United losing confirms  them as the big containers.”

PLAIN SPEAKING

The highlight of a fantastic Q&A  with fans  on Arshavin.eu:

“Hi! I’m overweight. What shall I do?”
Andrey  Arshavin: Lose weight.
RUNNER-UP
“Hi, Andrey! I am 13 years old and I began to play football  two  years ago. Do you think I’ll be able to become a professional footballer?”
Arshavin: I do not know.

LONG HAUL

With  Portsmouth  going into administration, it’s only natural Premier League teams are cutting costs. Paul Merson  broke  first  news of Fulham’s grueling initiative:

“They got to come back from  Russia. Lorryload of travelling.”

READING THE GAME

Mark Robins  certainly  knows his onions:

“I thought we did well in the first-half, but the first-half precedes the second-half.

But he’s got some way to go to match  Dion Dublin’s insight:

“That one would have been a goal if it had gone in.”

KILLER BALL

“My wife is threatening to leave me. She says, I’m obsessed with football. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve been with her for eight seasons.”

“Real  Madrid  absolutely ruthless… and I’m talking Jack  the Ripper ruthless, because they really did tear them apart.”

SHAMELESS SHREEVES

Not content with his haul of “Most Asinine Question” awards, Geoff Shreeves is eying the coveted “Plagiarist of 2010” gong:

Jeff Stelling on Countdown: “My wife is threatening to leave me. She says I’m obsessed with football. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve been with her for eight seasons.”

Shreeves on Soccer Am: “My wife is threatening to leave me. She saysI’m obsessed with football. I’ve been with her for fifteen seasons.”

THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL

Old romantic Paddy Mulligan reflects on Wayne Bridge’s choices:

“He can always find another woman, he might never play in another World Cup.”

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