The handshake that never was produced some beautifully-chosen words from Alan Smith:
“The world and his wife were watching at Stamford Bridge earlier.”
Bet the world was keeping a close eye on her.
ONE TOO MANY
As if Chelsea didn’t have enough problems, Gilesy spotted another breach of discipline against Inter Milan:
“John Terry looks legless.”
SEXY FOOTBALL
In fairness to the Blues, at least they have managed to keep the technical area relatively scandal-free. Not so Arsenal, according to one international feed commentator:
“Arsene Wenger is gyrating furiously with the fourth official.”
DIFFERENT STROKES
Look deep into your heart and consider which of these San Siro verdicts came from Chris Kamara and which from Eamon Dunphy:
“I thought in the week he was a success at left back.”
“Malouda, playing at left back, was terrible.”
CORKFLOORED
In a grim week for Cork City fans, Red FM brought more uncomfortable news:
“They’ve had the rug pulled out from under their carpet.”
TALKING FOREIGN
Perry Groves continues his inevitable march towards an administrative role in Brussels:
“Robert Mancini’s got that Italian style… the old joie de vivre.”
JUST TEASING US
Clive Tyldesley kicked off Inter-Chelsea with a promise he sadly couldn’t keep:
“It’s time for the talking to stop…”
DUE A SERVICE
A late substitution by CSKA Moscow saw Stephen Alkin splutter into rather laboured action:
“Honda, the misfiring Japanese player, will be taken to the… the maintenance yard.”
CLEAN SLATE
But there was a reprieve from Alkin for Mark Gonzales:
“The former Liverpool reject has got them back level.”
IT’S COME TO THIS
Dale Binns scores for Hayes and Yeading and Matt Le Tissier also seizes his chance: “How did he score, he’s rubbish.”
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Richard Keys to Paul Merson:
“If you were a betting man, Paul…”
UNLUCKY
Paul Walsh wanted to have his cake and eat it too:
“They’ve just had a huge chunk of slice.”
LIVING IN A BOX
Before Saturday’s reverse, Bobby Gould was certain Chelsea already had the title in cold storage:
“Manchester United losing confirms them as the big containers.”
PLAIN SPEAKING
The highlight of a fantastic Q&A with fans on Arshavin.eu:
“Hi! I’m overweight. What shall I do?”
Andrey Arshavin: Lose weight.
RUNNER-UP
“Hi, Andrey! I am 13 years old and I began to play football two years ago. Do you think I’ll be able to become a professional footballer?”
Arshavin: I do not know.
LONG HAUL
With Portsmouth going into administration, it’s only natural Premier League teams are cutting costs. Paul Merson broke first news of Fulham’s grueling initiative:
“They got to come back from Russia. Lorryload of travelling.”
READING THE GAME
Mark Robins certainly knows his onions:
“I thought we did well in the first-half, but the first-half precedes the second-half.
But he’s got some way to go to match Dion Dublin’s insight:
“That one would have been a goal if it had gone in.”
KILLER BALL
“My wife is threatening to leave me. She says, I’m obsessed with football. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve been with her for eight seasons.”
“Real Madrid absolutely ruthless… and I’m talking Jack the Ripper ruthless, because they really did tear them apart.”
SHAMELESS SHREEVES
Not content with his haul of “Most Asinine Question” awards, Geoff Shreeves is eying the coveted “Plagiarist of 2010″ gong:
Jeff Stelling on Countdown: “My wife is threatening to leave me. She says I’m obsessed with football. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve been with her for eight seasons.”
Shreeves on Soccer Am: “My wife is threatening to leave me. She saysI’m obsessed with football. I’ve been with her for fifteen seasons.”
THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL
Old romantic Paddy Mulligan reflects on Wayne Bridge’s choices:
“He can always find another woman, he might never play in another World Cup.”
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