FULLY DESERVED

Jeff: “Have Fulham got their just desserts?”
Kammy: “They have and they deserve it!”

OUT ON A LIMB

The ESPN anatomy shakeup continues. Just a fortnight after Joe Royle felt a free kick had hit Aaron Ramsey “more on the elbow than the arm,” Alan Curbishly countered that Carlos Cuellar’s header had struck Benoit Assou-Ekotto “on the top of the shoulder or the bottom of the arm.”

PIG IGNORANT

Ray Hudson had blood on his hands after Ibracadabra bagged Barca’s winner in El Clásico:

“Real Madrid have hearts the size of pigs, and they have to come out now.”

HANDLE WITH CARE

Surely Tottenham’s equaliser at Villa nailed the suggestion that allowing referees to ask players if they had handled would be a better option than video evidence. Michael Dawson’s MOTD verdict on HIS OWN possible handball:

“I’ve not seen it. I’ll have to see it on TV.”

TOP TOP MAN

On a big big Sky Super Sunday, just about everything was alright in Richard Keys’ world:

“Gunnersaurus there to the left. Top mascot.”

And later..

“Rod Steward. Top man. Now that’s real music.”

WHO NOSE WHERE THOMMO IS?

Was Phil Thompson away on Saturday at Liverpool’s end of season party? Jeff Stelling was worried:

“I’d like to appeal to football fans worldwide to please look carefully for a tall, disheveled, bewildered, depressed character who has lost the will to live. He has one distinguishing feature.”

MAGIC SPONGE

Alan Parry was keen to sort out Andrei Arshavin’s head wound with a quick rub:

“Such is the art of physiotherapy these days, they may be able to do a temporary repair job until half time.”

BACKING A HUNCH

The My Name Is Earl ‘tache already gone, Paul Merson then put his neck on the line ahead of Arsenal-Chelsea:

“I personally think whoever scores three goals in this game will win the match.”

PRONUNCIATION OF THE WEEK

So keen is Kevin Keegan to start getting those foreign names right, he’s practicing on the English lads:

“Harry Redknapp put (Jermaine)Yee-nas on in midfield.”

DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE

No matter how testing the diagnosis, Kammy isn’t afraid to make the big calls:
“Andy O’Brien, I think he might have hurt his nose. He was bleeding from his nose and had to go off the pitch.”

STICKING TO THE PLAN

Brian Beard at Nottingham Forest:

“The short corner was taken short.”

SPARE THE ROD

The MNS pundits were particularly impressed with Sligo manager Paul Cook’s sanguine reaction to late FAI Cup final heartbreak. All was well until Roddy Collins suggested some tried and tested techniques for blowing off steam:

“He goes off home and bashes the wife.”

NOT A LAWRO LAUGHS

Quite an emotional reaction from Lawro to Jimmy Bullard’s goal celebration:

“Very good, very funny and very poignant.”

NEARLY RIGHT

Carting his begging bowl off to BBC Five Live, John Delaney wasn’t quite sure of all his facts:

“I don’t know if you guys watched the game, but the whole world was watching.”

MEDAL PLACES

Trevor Steven pulled off a remarkable piece of long division after Aston Villa-Spurs:

“Fifth going upwards is between these two.”

SHEAR POETRY

The beauty of language with Alan Shearer:

“It was with the right foot, his so-called ‘not his good one.’”

PEANUT HUGGING

Spotter’s badge to the reader who just alerted us to George “phlegm” Hook’s rampant  excitement  during the rugger friendlies on Saturday. George described Dan Carter as:

“… the greatest human being ever.”

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