BETWEEN TWO STOOLS

It was a feast and a famine for Phil Brown at the Emirates:

“We tried to play our way back into the game – maybe too much too little in the end.”

MORAL OBJECTORS

Casino owners: don’t let Stevie G and co anywhere near the premises. Earlier in the season, Paul Merson flagged up a puritanical club hell bent on destroying all manner of gambling paraphernalia: “Liverpool have just rolled the last bit of dice.”

Now Tony Cascarino discovers they’ve turned to the black jack tables:

“Liverpool are crumbling like a deck of cards.”

FLOP TRUMPS

To prevent his own deck of cards from crumbling, Phil Thompson arranges them around his front room in a domino formation. Thommo’s verdict on Championship clubs going into administration.

“You think it might be like a pack of cards. When one goes, they will all go.”

HEART OF GOLD

Chris Kamara was beside himself with emotion at Mark Hughes’ sacking:

“The saddest thing for him is he won’t get a job with millions of millions of pounds.”

HALF NELSON

Nigel Spackman tries to explain where Ryan Nelson went wrong:

“He tries to block Crouchy off and then mis-a-sighted him.”

LOOK BACK IN ANGER

All was going smoothly until Kammy tried to put himself in the shoes of the next City manager:

“I might be able to cope with that outside interference or I might not. All that is… all that is… hindsight. It’s not hindsight is it? It’s in the future.”

ARTFUL DODGER WITH SCISSORS

Footballers today! Once picking pockets was an art form demanding some sleight of hand, but Kenny Cunningham spotted Portsmouth’s attackers performing impromptu tailoring against Liverpool:

“Glen Johnson gets his pocket stolen.”

HOME COMFORTS

David Platt broke first news of UEFA’s controversial plans for the Champions League last 16:

“To win the group gives you a huge advantage. For a start, you get your away legs at home.”

LYMPING OUT OF THE ACTION

January buyers will be pleased to find Ruud van Nistelrooy still hasn’t lost his touch with it comes to exaggerating injuries. Ruud’s reaction to having his tonsils out:

“When I realised how serious it was I had to sit down and drink a glass of water because it was a huge shock.”

IT’S ONLY WORDS

Ray Parlour explains himself:

“At this stage of the season it’s not just about improving, it’s about getting better”

BRIGHT SPARK

All we know is Mark Bright doesn’t like refs calling players over to book them. After that it’s anyone’s guess:
“It’s very schoolboyish. It’s very teacher and Churchill.”

RUNNING TO STAND STILL

Paul Merson reckoned United were going round in circles at Craven Cottage:

“Man United are playing a lot better, they are attacking and playing a lot more in the Man United half.”

SHEAR DELIGHT

After Dean Ashton’s “tragic tragedy” last week, there were happier times for Alan Shearer at half-time in Newcastle-Boro:
“I’ve been pleasantly pleased with how it’s going.”

MEMORY MAN

David Seaman and his cherished memories:

“I will never forget my first game for England at the World Cup. It was against Turkey… no… I mean Tunisia.”

TRANSFUSION CONFUSION

Talksport’s Mike Parry reveals how far the Stoke boss will go for free tea and biscuits:

“Tony Pulis is literally giving blood 24 hours a day.”

USE YOUR FINGERS

Alan Smith loses count:

“There’s only one word for that – straight off the training ground.”
As does John Salako

“Both teams are adopting a 4-4-3 formation.”

AMONGST YOUR OWN

Amid the unrelenting globalisation of the Premier League, at least Jon Champion can cling to the bosom of homely Hull:

“The changing face of English football. But’s here’s a change by homespun Hull City. Seyi Olofinjana comes on.”

EVERYONE’S A WINNER

Lee Dixon just wants everyone to go home happy:

“Both teams needed to win and they did.”
TOP TOP PUNDIT

Merse certainly knows top from bottom:

“The top team is up the top. And the top team will win the league at the end of the season.”

STUNTED GROWTH

Robbie Knievel bemoans the lack of top, top stunt men out there at the moment:

“Daredevils are a dying breed.”