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Following England’s 3-0 victory over Belarus, talk has turned to that perennial topic: should Peter Crouch be given a regular starting place? I was in two minds about this until I spotted the second photo in this BBC slideshow – now I know he most definitely should, the man can fly! How handy would that be? And as far as I know it doesn’t break any rules, the handbook says nothing about self-powered flight. The guy to Crouch’s left obviously thinks it’s a good tactic, he’s attempting to copy him – you aren’t fooling anyone mate, we can all see your foot on the ground.

Despite Crouch’s incredible super-powers, Fabio Capello is still not convinced he should be any more than a lowly squad member. He was also a little dubious about Beckham being awarded man of the match, likening it to Obama winning the Nobel peace prize after only 9 months as president. Totally see his point! Kicking a ball for 30 minutes isn’t a great deal different to working to end global conflict. Oh no, hang on … they aren’t the same thing at all, I think he’d need to score a hattrick for there to be parity.

On the subject of Beckham – am I the only one who thinks the beard makes him look less like England’s finest and more like a homeless geography teacher? Seriously Dave, Johnny Depp can get away with a beard; you, not so much.

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