The Merse

MINISTER FOR INNOVATION

In recent times so  many people have struggled  for a word that adequately describes  Chelsea. He might have had to venture slightly beyond the confines of the Oxford-English, but Paul Merson has finally came up trumps:

“Ludious.”

BARE BONES

What a job Paul Lambert is doing at  Norwich, particularly when you consider his squad is a little stretched and attendances aren’t all that great either:

“The game is all about players  and fans. They are the two most important people at the club.”

DEFINITELY MAYBE

Alan Shearer  is as certain as he’s ever been about anything:

“Carlton Cole  was a definite probably before his  injury, now I’m not so sure.”

DEED POLL

Rather fundamental adjustment at  St Andrews, according to Tony Jones:

“Change of approach for Birmington…”

SHORT MEMORY

The goldfishes were happily swimming between Chris Kamara’s ears  at West Ham:

“…goalkeeper Sorensen blocked his shot. But it’s really been a nervy performance here. Neither goalkeeper has had a save to make.”

THIERRY AT IT AGAIN

At the Nou Camp in midweek, Sky’s  David Phillips  was careful to use the medically precise approach to limb identification:

“Flano connected with Henry’s foot there, his left-handed foot.”

GOOD, BAD & INDIFFERENT

Next on the agenda for Phillips was a bold bid for Gilesy’s Old-Football-Cliché-You-Just-Invented-On-The-Spot crown:

“The old football cliché…  if a good side play badly and win they’re not a bad side.”

Before failing entirely to keep pace with  Dani Alves:

“He’s going at full hilt.”

ASK ANDREY

More matter of fact responses to fan questions on arshavin.eu:

Can A.A. jump out of my birthday cake?

Arshavin:  “It’s unlikely; I’m a football player, not a minstrel or a clown.”

IRON WILLIES

David Dunn impresses Phil Thompson with both quantity and quality:

“His groins!  He seems to just pick up things.”

DIXONFIRE

The nineties were slightly less frisky times at the  top  of the Premier League but John Terry might still be interested in doing business if Lee Dixon is selling:

“I had a groin that lasted me a season and a half.”

FOREGONE CONCLUSION

Why did  Pompey fans  bother to  turn up at  White Hart Lane  on Saturday  after the message \’Arry got midweek:

“Avram sent me a text today saying I hope you win every game except the semi-final.”

SUMMERTIME

The clocks  went  forward a lot more than an  hour in John Delaney’s house:

“Wednesday nights  have been moved to Tuesday.”

BLACKOUT

Strictly speaking, Bernard Flynn was bemoaning some of the poor quality GAA games on our screens, but he may well have happened across a universal sporting problem:

“There’s nothing worse  than when you watch  some games with no television cameras there.”

HATS OFF

Slowly but surely, the Merse is getting there:

“He’s headed it, with his well… head obviously.”

MRPRACTICALITY

Many experts suggest Merse should have a lot more  England  caps to his name. But perhaps there’s a reason for everything:

“He’s an international player  Mascherano. It’s poor play. He should just hack him down.”

QUICK ONE-TWOS

Dave Woods  warms of menacing  Lille  midfielder Eden:

“Hazard is their danger-man.”

Staying up is a big ask for  Portsmouth’s Tommy Smith:

“It’s pretty much impossible, but it’s still do-able”

Dean Windass delves deep in his encyclopedic football mind:

“Nicky Forster making his debut from whatever club he’s been at. I don’t know… whatever club.”

Bobby Gould  puts his head in the clouds:

“They’re living in  land cuckoo land.”

Jon Champion acclaims Arsene Wenger’s favourite striker:

“Kevin Phillip’s 250th league goal against Arsenal.”

Spotter’s Badge to Barry Leahy

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