Mixed Metaphors

There was only ever going to be one winner: 10. "In the Scottish Cup you only get one crack at the cherry against Rangers or Celtic." Tom Ferrie 9. "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." Stuart Pearce 8. "The...

The Queen’s English

The top 10 dictionary manglers: 10. "They haven't made many sautées forward." Clive Allen 9. All the cul-de-sacs are closed for Scotland. Joe Jordan 8. There is great harmonium in the dressing room. Sir Alf Ramsey 7. "He's not going to adhere himself to the fans." Alan...

Big Ron Atkinson Interview

Big Ron names the best exponent of a spotter's badge, talks about Desailly and the night in Stade Louis II, tells how he lost out to Dale Winton and names his commentating dream team. And much more. Right Ron, down...

Tell you what

The fledgling language's single most indispensable element. Complex Ronglish syntax rules state that 'tell you what' must preface every exclamation, statement of fact, or off-the-cuff remark. Be warned also that this landmark phrase can signal the beginning of an extended...

The Jeff Stelling Interview

Jeff talks about Soccer Saturday, scones, Ronglish, being the new Parky, on beating Jamie Harvey at darts, his greatest gaffe and picking his commentating dream team. Soccer Saturday Jeff, it's radio on television isn't it? You don't see any shots at...

The Chris Kamara Interview

Chris talks about singing Mandy in Tenerife, tells us Ron is not a racist, and disputes some of the guff allegations against him. Unbelievable. You certainly sound as if you like your job, Chris I love my job. It's a privilege...

The Croke Park Phrasebook

Fair play to Marty Morrissey and the lads for throwing open the doors. Surely the least the football community can do in return is make some effort not to sully the sacred sod with our Ole Ole-ing, our Mexican...

For Your Eyes Rodney

After the plans for a new digital TV football highlights service are lost at a motorway service station, BSkyB begins a feverish search for them. As Bond (Jeff Stelling) joins the search, he suspects Rodney Marsh of involvement in...

Diamonds are for Trevor

Tired of eking a frugal living from sitting on the fence, evil, scantily clad villain Trevor Brooking decides instead to become a fence, soon doing a roaring trade in stolen diamonds at his casino in East London. When malevolent...

Kamara Never Dies

Megalomaniac media mogul Elliot Carver (Jonathan Pryce) seeks to complete his global communications empire by demolishing the BSkyB media conglomerate. Finding himself thwarted by the ratings-winning excitability of co-commentator/pundit Chris Kamara, he dispatches a team of assassins to dispose...