Modern Merse gains another devotee

Published On January 19, 2010 | By Danger Here | Quotes 2009-2010
The Merse

The Merse

HE HAS HAD A TORRID
Slowly but surely, Paul Merson’s innovative, adjective-heavy, noun-free lingo gains new devotees. The latest convert was Steve Bruce following the mauling by Chelsea:

“We haven’t had a settled at all.”

CAPTAIN CAPABLE
Chuffed Phil Neville always does his best to give his utmost:

“Today we played to our capabilities. That’s what this team is capable of.”

BOAZ RESTRICTOR
Gary Lineker’s pun-writing team is set to poach Eamonn Donohoe from Premier Soccer Saturday after this verdict on Hull’s rearguard action at White Hart Lane:

“The Spurs strikers made a mountain out of a Myhill.”

OPPOSITES ATTRACT
Gary Speed is touched by Liverpool’s plight:

“When everything is going wrong, it seems like nothing goes right.”

CLEANING UP AT THE BACK
Defending might not be the strongest part of his game, but Warren Barton knows Liverpool’s left back is a dab hand at the washing up:

“Insua kept plugging away in his own domestic way.”

NOT THAT FAMOUS
Clive Tyldesley has already put his summer house in Dakar up for sale:

“He scored one of the most famous goals in World Cup history, Papa Bouba Diop got the goal in the opening game. France 0 Ivory Coast 1.”

CLOUD OVER GILESY
A surprisingly imprecise verdict on the freezing Manchester weather from Johnny Giles considering he always got his head up as a player:

“It was like living on the moon, wherever that might be.”

CLUED IN
Finally the long hours Merse puts in devouring current affairs programming has paid off:

“You can’t have the under-soil heating on during the game. I saw it on Panorama or something.”
As has the National Geographic subscription:

“The pitch is full of white snow.”

TALES OF THE UNEXPECTED
Sol Campbell’s return to Arsenal was greeted in customary Merson fashion:

“I was shocked. But I’m not surprised.”

TIME FOR A SERVICE
Pompey fail the Bobby Gould NCT:

“Younes Kaboul is a vital clog in the Portsmouth engine.”

NOT FOR THE NEUTRALS
Steve Coppell isn’t sure if Alex McLeish style of play is going to attract many Villa supporters to St Andrews:

“Is it going to entice the fans to come and watch them every week – unless they are Birmingham fans?”

TOILET HUMOUR
Eurosport’s Wayne Boyce relieves constipated attack:

“At last Mali are on the score shit.”

A LITTLE LAME
The excitable world feed commentator at Goodison feared Everton had dropped the reins too far:

“They’re really got the bit between their feet.”

ON A SIXPENCE
Gary Weaver knows a good pass when he sees one:

“He hit that with precise precision.”

LIE OF THE LAND
Talksport’s John Temple is usually a first pick on orienteering outings:

“Middlesbrough have got an uphill mountain now.”

CLEAN SHEET
Last week’s victory isn’t worth the paper it’s written on for Billy Davies

“Come Saturday it was all about starting with a blank sheet of football.”

WORST CASE SCENARIO
Kevin Blackwell has always been something of a worrier:

“We’ve only got around 21 players here and if all of them aren’t available then it makes things very difficult.”

THE LOLLIPOP MAN
Ray Hudson gets carried away with a couple of Ronaldo stepovers:

“Cristiano’s legs, typically, like wonderful revolving doors, right here, right there.”

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