Manchester City in polite company from here on in

Far from squeaky bum time, Craig Burley is sure the title run-in will be a mannerly affair;

“Man City have got quite a run of genteel games coming up.”

UNBELIEVABLE, JEFF

Goals on Sunday was full of more Mumbai-jumbo from Chris Kamara:

“Is it still Calcutta? I thought it was Bombay these days.”

IFS AND BUTS

After 30 years in the game Ian Holloway has finally unlocked the golden secret to goalscoring:

“As long as you hit the target they go in, if the keeper don’t make a save.”

TRUE AND FALSE

Kenny Cunningham is gradually getting to grips with the new lingo of football:

“Like Messi, he plays in that fake nine position.”

WHO ARE YA?

But Kenny had an existentialist poser for Fernando Torres:

“He’ll never be the player that he is.”

OH WHAT A FELINE

Just a whiskers onside, insists Stan Collymore:

“The Bolton back four all put their hands up, but not a cat on earth’s chance.”

BRIGHT SPARK

A stopped clock is right twice a day, but not Mark Bright:

“There was nothing wrong with his timing; he was just a bit late.”

MOVING TARGET

When he’s on the warpath, Peter Collins packs some complicated motorised weaponry:

“When the Gunners put the boot down, Robin van Persie really can pull the trigger.”

SWEET TRUTH

Simeon Jackson

Pronunciation of the week goes to Paul Merson, who unveiled new Norwich striker:

“Cinnamon Jackson.”

MONKEY BUSINESS

Jonathan Pearce gets a little personal with Martin Keown:

“Where do you sit on young players, Martin?”

COLD COMFORT

George Hamilton once confirmed that “the eiderdown of 2-0 was a lot more comfortable than the blanket of 1-0″. At snowy Hillsborough, Alan Biggs went one better:

“Yeovil’s electric blanket is the cushion of Jonathan Obika’s goal.”

STATTO

Alan Brazil fluffs his audition for Opta:

“Paul Scholes made 75 passes in the first half, completing 93 of them, which is 97%.”

GAME OF TWO HALVES?

As he battles to save himself from the bacon slicer, Mick McCarthy is taking a rather short-term view:

“In the first half, I didn’t see the second half coming.”

AGING PROCESS

Gary Cotterill broke the first major development on transfer deadline day:

“He’s not as young as he used to be, Bobby Zamora.”

WINDOW PAIN

Was that good business by QPR, Dave Bassett?

“We’ll wait and see if it transforms into players.”

CREAMED CAKE

Never accept an offer of desert from Alvin Martin:

“The proverbial is hitting the flan at the moment.”

ANDY GRAY’S SEAN FHOCAIL

They think this one originated on the Blasket Islands:

“It’s like that old phrase; if you’re high maintenance, you better be good.”

GUFF STREAM

Dickie Davies was unimpressed with West Ham?

“One-nil. No less than they deserve, Jeff.”

Harry Redknapp on faithful Rosie:

“I don’t even like calling her a dog, she was better than that.”

David Wheater boasts about keeping van Persie quiet;

“That was one of the one chances that he had.”

Merse tackles Aquilani with an old favourite:

“He ran the show in Rome, but came over to Liverpool and was like a fish up a tree.”

Phil Thompson on Norwich:

“They were very, very less than average.”

Stewart Robson’s unique double-locking system:

“He’s the player who can unlock the key.”

Phil Neal is just glad to be alive:

“Whoever you support, you’ve got that blood in your veins.”

Greg Rusedski holds court:

“What other sport do you play six hours of tennis for?”

Spotter’s badges to Cormac O’Malley, Joe Kelleher, Chef Goldblum, Niall, WB Swygart, mirrorfootball

Craig BurleyGuff