chris_kamara

FELL AT THE LAST

Of course the Premier League is all about money and marketing now, but if Chris Kamara can be believed, they have gone a bit too far at Fratton Park:

Hugo Rodallega fell over the advertising hoardings as he was running in on goal.”

LORD OF THE DANCE

Chris Waddle is convinced Nani will never settle at Old Trafford while he’s intent on pursuing an old pair of Michael Flatley’s dance clogs around the pitch:

“He has hard shoes to follow.”

THE DEFENCE RESTS

Reviewing Bobby Zamora’s miss against Man City, Paul Merson revealed himself an unlikely fan of the legendary seventies TV lawyer who left Harvard behind to roam the US southwest in a pickup truck getting murderers off the hook:

“Petrocelli couldn’t make a case for him there.”

NORMAL SERVICE

Left-field references out of the way, the Merse soon reverted to type:

“It’s \’orrible because it’s easy, but it aint easy.”

HALF-HEARTED COVER-UP

It’s spotless underneath Merse‘s carpets:

“If you’re not world class, everyone brushes it under the table.”

INTO OVERDRIVE

And he had something special in the tank for Arsenal’s lack of killer instinct:

“They’re lacking that real streak of bang.”

PR OFFENSIVE

As Fergie and Big Sam shook hands, Jon Champion unveiled United’s bold new move to win the hearts and minds of the media:

“The old friends will head off to Alex Ferguson’s office to discuss matters, as will our studio panel.”

SHAKE ME WAKE ME WHEN IT’S OVER

A week before his side’s top of the table clash, Carlo Anchelotti just can’t get Man U out of his mind:

“It’s never easy to play the four tops.”

HOME COMFORTS

At Craven Cottage, Pat Dolan suggested he’s never really been a great believer in home advantage:

“This is a lucky ground for Hodgson.”

DIFFERENT STROKES

Liverpools stand-in right back failed to unite the pundits:

Pat Dolan: “Degen is the most appalling player. The worst Liverpool defender I can ever remember.”

Charlie Nicholas: “Degen played well today.”

ON THE FENCE

Mind you, that was as committal as Charlie was going to get on Saturday:

“Did the fact that they were down to nine men affect Liverpool?”

“It probably didn’t help their cause.”

MR FLEXIBILITY

BBC commentator Chris Goreham has had his ups and downs:

“This is one of those rainy days you get during the season where you have to sit tight and stand firm to get the result.”

AND I REALLY REALLY MEAN THAT

A William Gallas handball on the edge of the area set the scene perfectly for one of Andy Gray’s invaluable rule recaps:

“Had that been in the box, they might be facing a penalty, not a free kick.”

SIXTEEN MAYBE?

Try as he might, Mark Robins can’t quite put a total on Barnsley‘s chances:

“We had between 15 and 17 attempts on goal against United.”

LOST COUNT

Before selecting his team for Saturday, Harry Redknapp conducted an approximate audit in David Bentley’s underpants:

“There‘s no doubt Bentley has balls, plenty of \’em.”

JUSTICE IS BLIND

Could Phil Brown see where the ref went wrong at Burnley?

“It doesn’t take a blind man, does it?”

Keep up with the guff on twitter.com/dangerhere

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