10. Chris Iwelumo

Mitigation: Bit of pace on the cross. Got his feet mixed up. He’s Scottish.

9. Ronnie Rosenthal – the poster boy for the genre

Mitigation: Pound of bacon, lean back, as Lawro might say. Paul McGrath was within 20 yards.

8. Who is this blond bombshell?

Mitigation: His excitable pal put him off. Bit of a bobble.

7. LDQ of Equador’s Mr Profligate

Mitigation: Rush of blood. Thought he’d be penalised for foot up anyway?

6. The livewire

Mitigation: Knackered?

5. Hong Kong’s finest

Mitigation: Was only in town on a stopover to Oz?

4. That’s casual

Mitigation: Seems to be in Norn Iron

3. Our friend Kamara

Mitigation: Related to Kammy? At least he got it in the goal.

2. Ilija Sivonjić

Mitigation: Those boots?

1. Rocky Baptiste

Mitigation: Can’t help you Rocky.

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