THE WEEK IN GUFF

Paul Merson pleads the case for Roberto Martinez:

“If you don’t give him a chance, what chance has he got?”

What George Hamilton gives with one hand…

“The ageless, 35-year-old Frank Lampard.”

Eaten bread is soon forgotten by Dwight Yorke:

“The last couple of seasons; Chelsea haven’t done anything special in the Champions League.”

During downtime at home, Iain Dowie likes to relax on his window sills:

“They are hanging on quite comfortably.”

Chris Kamara makes things even more complicated for referees:

“We all know that players simulate dives.”

Thankfully, Kenny Cunningham’s post-Super Cup punditry was also post-watershed:

“Ramires wants to open his legs and go box to box.”

Packie Bonner delighted UEFA won’t pay Celtic in chocolate coins:

“They know there’s financial money coming to them now.”

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WORD OF THE WEEK

Courtesy of Brian Kerr on Today FM: “UnEvertonishlike.”

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SCHOOL OF SCIENCE

Ian Darke marvels at Sergio Aguero’s top top molecular structure:

“Sometimes he almost seems to go by people by osmosis.”

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FASHION CRISIS

We can always rely on Brian Kerr to get to the bottom of the issues of the day:

“Wayne Rooney’s nicks always look tight on him.”

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HISTORY REPEATING

Thought for the week: Somewhat fitting that Big Ron was evicted from Celebrity Big Brother on the night of a big Chelsea European tie.

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TACTICS TRUCK

On MNS, Longford’s Tony Cousins made a sold diagnosis:

“We conceded two goals early in the second half, which was a problem for us.”

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KING GEORGE

Metaphor addict George Hamilton had an exuberant week:

On Jose Mourinho’s agitation: “He is like a choir master but a demented choir master and the Chelsea choir wouldn’t win many choral competitions.”

On Cech’s heroics: “The beer capital of the CzechRepublic has a champagne hero in goal.”

On Celtic’s struggles: “It seemed they had prised open the floodgates but somehow they wouldn’t open and remain stubbornly ajar and the flood has been but a trickle.”

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RIVER HUDSON RUNS FREE

Juventus’s Arturo Vidal brought the very best out of Ray Hudson with his two goals against Lazio:

The opener: “Do you believe in magic? Because you’ve just seen it. The finish is as cool as a greyhound’s nose.”

The second: “That goal will have had the Shroud of Turin smiling.”

But Ray held an old candle for Leo Messi’s hat-trick against Valencia:

“When you find him in form like this, Phil, it’s like finding Linda Blair in your bedroom.”

 

SPOTTER’S BADGES

Live Ray Hudson

 

 

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