BRAIN BOX

Jim Beglin uses his head during Ghana-USA:

“Mensah should be cleverer than that.”

LANGUAGE BARRIER

It’s all French to David Pleat as Italy make their exit:

“That’s it, it’s au revoir.”

ALL AT SEA

The concept of sea-level doesn’t ring any bells with Robbie Savage:

“I had a 30-minute jog on the beach this morning, the altitude didn’t affect me.”

DEATH WARRANT

Dr Clive Tyldesley’s research brings bad news for Capello, Domenech and co:

“The life expectancy for a failed World Cup manager isn’t high.”

SEXY FOOTBALL

Gabriel Egan cuddles up to Ronaldo and co:

“It’s been consummate in every sense from Portugal.”

BRIDGE TOO FAR

An over-ambitious Paul Merson tries his hand at similes:

“Gareth Barry ain’t gonna shine out like a… a shining light.”

GIRL POWER

George Hamilton suggests Fernando Torres’ recent operation may have been a little more drastic than many people thought:

“He’s a natural brunette.”

WATER WORKS

Guy Mowbray bemoans some theatrics:

“He just got a little tap”

Lawro does what Lawro does best:

“Could’ve been a plumber”.

JOYCEAN GILESY

Johnny Giles is breeding a new type of versatile player.

“That’s causing a lot of problems for the midfieldenders.”

HUN-NIL

The RTE lads send their CVs to the Sun:

Liam Brady: “The Germans have ways and means.”

Bill O’Herlihy:   “Ve have ways of making you run.”

George Hamilton: “”Another siege gun kick from Manuel Neuer.”

QUICK ONE-TWOS

Damien Richardson abandons specifics:

“Anything can happen and anything did happen there.”

Efan Ekoku still needs to brush up on some of the fundamentals:

“One-nil is never a lead.”

Chris Coleman’s trap is sprung:

“He is as game as a badger when it comes to running in behind defences.”

Ray Houghton confirms his status as one of the game’s great tautologists: “Eduardo let that one go wide in the knowledge that he knew.”

Mick McCarthy knows what he likes:

“I wish somebody would elbow someone, it’d give us something to talk about.”

Adrian Chiles does a reverse-Hamilton after Spain 2 Chile 1:

“Both teams played out the draw.”

Garth Crooks, 52, has his doubts about Kanu:

“I don’t care what his passport says, that man is older than me.”

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