PLUS CA CHANGE

Jeff Stelling might have taken over control of Merse’s finances but the end result is exactly the same:

“I’m prepared to wager my house and all Paul Merson’s earnings for the year.”

THE MORE THINGS CHANGE

Working with compatriot gaffers has broadened Shay Given’s cultural awareness:

“The Italians are all pretty similar the way they do different things.”
GORGON TWO-NIL UP

Whenever he fancies a wager, Charlie Nicholas plunges his head in a barrel of snakes.

“You’d need Medusa to predict that.”

MODERN MERSE

At half-time in Wigan-Arsenal, the only thing Merse disrespected was the English language:

“Without being disrespectful, they’re going down at a whimpet.”

SUM DIFFERENCE

Alan Smith brought his abacas into the JJB Stadium gantry just in case a goal difference calculation was needed:

“What are they behind, 14? A couple of six-nilers would do it.”

But Martin Keown backed his instincts in the San Siro:

“At 3-1 they’ve now got to get 4 goals to win this.”

HARRY’S GAME

Harry Redknapp will never rest in his furious quest for perfection:

“Seven wins out of eight, you can’t do any more than that.”

FALSE PEAK

His refusal to accept second best is matched only by Chris Coleman:

“Fulham in a Europa League semi-final – it doesn’t get any better than that.”

EXCELLENT WIDTH

Paul Merson needed eyes in the back of his head at Ewood Park on Saturday:

“Twice Blackburn have had two corners.”

GET OFF THE STAGE

Poor Manuel Almunia made a show of himself again at White Hart Lane midweek. Glenn Hoddle’s verdict on his little punch and pirouette?

“A bit theatreish.”

PARRIED INTO DANGEROUS AREA

Sensitive work from Alan Parry during Spurs-Arsenal. With half the stadium very audibly encouraging Arsene Wenger to “Sit down you paedophile”, Parry choose just that moment to be impressed with the…

“…vibrant atmosphere at White Hart Lane tonight.”

KISS-OFF

Gary McAllister clearly factored in the tender moment between Gary Neville and Paul Scholes when he appraised Manchester United’s fighting spirit:

“It’s inbred in them.”

SQUARE ONE

Richard Kaufman  does tend to worry:

“He’s only one booking away from a yellow card.”

TWISTER
Kevin Keegan might have got to the bottom of The Blues’ injury worries:

“Chelsea have got an Achilles heel; they do not like it when the boot’s on the other foot.”
NUMBERS GAME

David Pleat fears ostentatious Deco is drawing attention to himself:

“Number 20, you can’t get away with it when you’ve got a number that big on your back.”

WHAT?

Alan McInally’s call-ups to the Soccer Saturday panel have become increasingly rare. Within minutes we heard why:

“Olic’s goal before half time had enough of a gap to put Bayern away.”

APART FROM ME

RTE Sport’s La Liga correspondent flags up his new Newstalk show.

“There will be no room for spinners or spoofers.”

QUICK ONE-TWOS

Jeff Stelling gets fruity:

“Carlo Monti has scored for Morton, his brother Del will be happy.”

Ray Hudson fiddles around on the slopes:

“Solo by Cristiano. He shreds ’em like confetti. Slalom like Alberto Tomba and then that left foot Stradivarius steers it home.”

Frank Lampard divides and conquers:

“We held a team meeting and decided to try to win all eleven remaining games, so we are half way there.”

What Andy Hinchcliffe gives with one hand…

“Millwall have only had one effort on target, which missed.”

David Pleat is David Pleat:

“I know Luka Modric’s dentist, and he says he’s an absolutely lovely guy.”

Peter Drury dresses up the mutton:

“Lahm shepherds it out”

Mickey Quinn shoves the cork back in the bubbly:

“Congratulations to West Brom, they’ve been relegated.”

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