A chipper Jeff Stelling took the appearance of Chasetown director Frank Carson to be something of a personal challenge on Saturday:

Sending off at Salisbury:
“Herring has been sent off, so presumably the ref said ‘Red, Herring’.”

St. Mirren hit by the winter vomiting bug:
“There’s an investigation going on. Not sure what that’s going to throw up.”

Chelsea-QPR:
“The haves against the haves.”

Spurs-Reading:
“It was 6-4 in the first set.”

Wes Brown to the Geordies:
“He’d be perfect wouldn’t he? Newcastle Brown.”

Delay at Goodison:
“After that fire in the chip shop, hopefully Oldham won’t take a battering.”

Chelsea’s penalty box antics:
“They can’t always rely on somebody breathing heavily on Michael Ballack can they?”

Check out all the weekend guff in the Champions pullout in today’s Irish Examiner