England now have
three fresh men, with
three fresh legs.
Jimmy Hill

Hoddle in Open Mouth Misjudgement


What you have to remember about Hoddle is; he thinks he's chocolate. Not only is he convinced he was the great misunderstood talent of his time, Glenn knows for sure that we desperately crave the unique philosophical and religious insights that he regularly imparts. With that in mind, it's all the funnier when Hoddle opens his mouth to reveal that all may not be running smoothly in his stylishly coiffured noggin. As the man himself might say, let's have a look at some of "them situations".


We didn't have the run of the mill.
Looking around at your team, Glenn, I'd say you did.

I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different.
None of them providing a dictionary, obviously.

International football is one clog further up the football ladder.
Best get a couple of Nevilles on board so.

Look at Jesus. He was a normal run of the mill sort of guy who had a genuine gift....
Lovely left peg, the lad Jesus.

...just as Eileen has.
Drewery wins promotion from healer to messiah.

When a player gets to 30, so does his body.
Unless, of course, you count his previous lifetimes as an elephant and dustbin.

Ilie has a deception of pace.
Deceptive? Exceptional? Who can tell? 

I think in international football you have to be able to handle the ball.
Oddly, FIFA mandarins baulked at William Webb Hoddle's suggestion. But a coaching job in the MLS surely beckons. 

Robert Lee was able to do some running on his groin for the first time.
Neat trick. Got to hurt, though. 

His tackle was definitely pre-ordained.
Helpfully, the man upstairs notifies Glenn every time Alan Smith is set to launch himself into another "exuberant" challenge.

I never heard a minute's silence like that.
I suppose when you've got special powers, why not use them?

I do not believe that. In this moment in time, if that changes in years to come I don't know, but what happens here today and changes as we go along that is part of life's learning and part of your inner beliefs.
Glenn clears things up neatly after his remarks about the disabled.

We threw caution to the wind and came back from the dead. Well, it is Easter Monday.
Just the 24 hours late for the resurrection business, Glenn. Thought you would have known that.

I need to know what the wicket is like, I need to know what the batting conditions are like, will it take spin bowling and how many overs I've got.
Bizarrely, Glenn was talking here about his contract talks.

They were still in the dressing room when they came out for the second half.
Generously, Glenn often attributes his own powers of omnipresence to others.


Strangely, even the very mention of the word Hoddle led others into similar difficulties.

If Glenn Hoddle had been any other nationality, he would have had 70 or 80 caps for England.
John Barnes

If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half time, it was concentration and focus.
Ron Atkinson

Hoddle hasn't been the Hoddle we know. Neither has Robson.
Ron Greenwood


And then, of course,  there is the classic

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Bob Davies.