They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that.
Kevin Keegan
 
         
 
 
Keegan's World
Mindbending quotes from a true master of footballing guff

 

 

The thing about Keegan wasnít so much his fundamental lack of basic English skills, although thereís certainly no evidence that Kev killed himself in English class during secondary school.

Neither did Keggy invent his own language like Ron. Thatís a move that would have required a few minutes of organised thought. 

No, Keeganís comedy value is hard to define. We reckon the key to Keegan's unique ability to warp the English language in that peculiar way of his is that neither he nor anyone else has the foggiest what he's about to say next. Furthermore, Kev has even less idea what he means when he eventually says it. The man lives in a place far far away from this earth. 

Let's take a look at some classic Keeganisms...


In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.
 

Well I suppose heís got a point. You donít get any foxy nurses signing your cast when you've got cramp.


The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful. 
                

Kev could never abide careless players who neglected their anti-aging medication.


There'll be no siestas in Madrid tonight.               

Technically correct... and yet completely moronic.


The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today.
   

True in the same sense that none of the players on the field are sitting on the substitutes' bench.


Hungary is very similar to Bulgaria. I know they're different countries... 

Do you, Kev? Do you really?


Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America.

Kev discovers yet another ridiculous FIFA ruling


Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties.

Suppose by that reckoning OíLearyís right, Nigel Martyn is a baby.


I know what is around the corner - I just don't know where the corner is.

Profound in its own way... but completely by accident.


But the onus is on us to perform and we must control the bandwagon.

Get the feeling the bandwagon was at that moment hurtling down a steep incline.


Despite his white boots, he has real pace...

Reminiscent of Fr Dougal Maguire confusing size and proximity. Kev never gave up his theory that footwear colour and physiological make-up were inextricably linked.


I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's completely different.

And to think the sentence had started so brightly with the promise of cultural insight.


There are two schools of thought on the way the rest of this half is going to develop; everybody's got their own opinion...

So two people are watching the match, then?


It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Every time there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card.

Kev fails to notice the hand that sometimes assists cards in their path from pocket to high in the air.


...using his strength. And that is his strength, his strength.

Strong words


Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice.

Kev always weighed up his options, but usually decided on guff anyway.


And finally, a rare word of wisdom and understanding from Kev...

I would ask anyone to try to understand the world he lives in. We all have to accept that he is married to Spice Girl Victoria Adams - and I think he copes very well with it.