That's a 14-15
pointer there if there
ever was one.
 
Barry Venison

 
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Uncle Bobby
He's a Geordie gibberish machine.

   


Uncle Bobby may be a good manager, but he is also quite possibly the most underrated of all gibberish merchants. He surpasses even good old Keggy Keegal when it comes to the sheer extent of his verbal confusion. 

So, as a special DangerHere tribute to Old Man Robson, here is a selection of his moments of linguistic lunacy.

 

He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him.
When Bobby gets a word ahead of himself, his brain can't catch him.

 

Ray Wilkins' day will come one night.
I wouldn't hold your breath, then, Ray...

 

If you count your chickens before they've hatched, they won't lay an egg.
Bobby must have come from an agricultural background.

 

Some of the goals were good, some of the goals were sceptical.
And some of them were downright paranoid.

 

Tottenham have impressed me - they haven't thrown in the towel even though they have been under the gun.
How do you expect them to throw anything when they have a massive weapon on top of them?

 

Alan Shearer has done very well for us, considering his age. We have introduced some movement into his game because he has got two good legs now. Last season he played with one leg.
So he played Long John Silver-style?

 

I'm not going to look beyond the semi-final - but I would love to lead Newcastle out at the final.
Probably makes perfect sense to Bobby...

 

I'd say he's the best in Europe, if you put me on the fence.
A man will say anything when he's in that much pain.

 

Anything from 1-0 to 2-0 would be a nice result.
Bobby had his standards. 3-0 is totally unacceptable.

 

He never fails to hit the target. But that was a miss.
Perhaps you have also missed something, Bobby.

 

We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.
Who will chip in for a dictionary on Bobby's next birthday?

 

Well, we got nine and you can't score more than that.
We've checked the FIFA rulebook. He's lying.

 

Maybe not goodbye, but farewell.
Or perhaps good riddance.

 

I do want to play the short ball and I do want to play the long ball. I think long and short balls is what football is all about.
So medium balls are out, then?

 

Romania wonít be up for it because they canít qualify for the quarter-finals.
This was during Euro 2000. Yes, you've guessed it - Romania did indeed qualify for the quarter-finals.

 

We're flying on Concorde. That'll shorten the distance. That's self-explanatory.
Couldn't be more clear.

 

When Gazza was dribbling, he used to go through a minefield with his arm, a bit like you go through a supermarket.
Shopping night in Bobby's gaff must be hell.

 

Eighteen months ago Sweden were arguably one of the best three teams in Europe, and that would include Germany, Holland, Russia and anybody else if you like.
We don't like.

 

Finally, the Robson Hall of Tautologies:

 

Bobby goes out on a limb:
Home advantage gives you an advantage.

 

Ditto:
In a year's time, he's a year older.

 

And again:
The first ninety minutes of a football match are the most important.

 

For good measure...
The margin is very marginal.

 

Oh, all right. One more...
He (Mehmet Scholl) is very two footed.

 

And the encore:
Their football was exceptionally good - and they played some good football.

Bobby sticks his tongue out at the Queen's English.