I spent four indifferent years at Goodison, but they were great years
Martin Hodge

Ronglish Outcry
Pundit Fury as Certification System Fails 

Angry pundits
More bad news for the Irish IT industry last night as dozens of DangerHere Internet boffins were axed in a furious row over the web site's ill-fated Ronglish certification system.

Earlier, hundreds of angry football pundits had stormed the marble halls of DangerHere Towers, as frustration over the wait for the prized qualification finally spilled over.

Welch: Disappointed
Comedy Irish TV station, TV3, was heavily represented among the protestors. Led by disappointed Ron fan, Trevor Welch and voiceover king, Darren "Ma, Ma, I'm interviewing Ryan Giggs" Frehill, the Three possee claimed that, to date, none of the station's football pundits had received a cert.

King: Critical
Out-of-favour TV3 "expert" Noel King, was especially critical of DangerHere. "F***** b*******", he replied when pressed for his views on the web site management. "I could tell them boys a thing or do about computers", he continued, before explaining how his Director Of Football role at interesting Irish football site, A2Zsoccer, sometimes allowed him to turn on two, maybe three computers before anyone else arrived in the morning.

Threatens to Sour
Hot on the heels of the recent Buddygate scandal, this latest embarrassment threatens to sour DangerHere's relationship with the Royal Institiute of Commentating, which oversees the Ronglish curriculum.

Institute Dean of Guffology, Ron Gleish (real name, Alf Stewart) was unimpressed with the way DangerHere has handled the examinations. "Strike me Rome, there's flamin' gallahs who took this exam back in June that haven't got their certs yet" Ron revealed. "And now the bloomin' exam form doesn't even work. I'll have those hoons' guts for garters", he boomed.

Red cards
Towers supremos were quick to deal with the crisis. Ruthless IT figurehead, Gareth Power, immediately summoned all 46 of the company's programmers to the mink-carpeted boardroom and promptly issued the ceremonial red card. To the techies' credit, the lads strode without fuss to the luxurious Towers wash area for their early baths and jacuzzis.

C-- programmer Jody Fitzpatrick didn't blame his old employers. "At the end of the day, to be fair, that form was useless. Sure it never worked at all. What were we thinking at all, at all?".

Light of day
DangerHere nightwatchman, Ed Leahy, hoped the purge would straighten out the Ronglish mess claiming "I've every confidence that someday soon, a Ronglish certificate will see the light of day."