|
|
Former
Irish international David O’Leary,
known to many in the game simply
as “Dave,” has been found
guilty by the English FA of
willfully misleading the
football-watching public.
Following a tip off from
suspicious Danger Here sources, FA
officials recently arrived at
Elland Road Leeds to seize playing
and coaching staff records. The FA
acted quickly following reports
from concerned citizens that O’Leary
was purporting to be playing a “team
of babies” and that he was
claiming to be a “young man only
learning his trade.”
According
to chief FA spokesman David
Davies, O’Leary is likely to be
charged with bringing the game
into disrepute for his overly
self-effacing persona on TV and
his “teeth grindingly annoying”
attempts to deflect pressure away
from himself and his team.
However, the situation could have
been far worse for O’Leary.
Yorkshire police had been
preparing to act after complaints
from the public that Leeds may be
involved in child labour. The
police decided to discontinue this
line of investigation after
consulting with the FA who assured
them that having analysed the
players’ records, no man under the age of 20 was actually
playing in the Leeds side.
Our
man close to O'Leary has also
confirmed that the FA, tired of
hearing about the "exciting
adventures" of Dave and his
babies, has confiscated O'Leary's
exhaustive Enid Blyton collection.
A visibly irritated FA Compliance
Officer seized a dozen Secret
Seven's, a host of Adventerous
Four classics, and all 21 Famous
Fives, including a bound copy of
Five Go To Kirren Island. O'Leary
is said to most upset, though, by
the removal of his signed Five
Find Outers and Dog boxed set, and
alledgedly drowned his sorrows
with lashings of Ginger Beer and
disappeared down the secret
passage to Smugglers' Cove.
Furious
that his antics have turned the
stomachs of many discerning
football watchers. FA chiefs will
soon summon O’Leary to London,
In a statement, the FA apologised
to the public for O’Leary’s
shenanigans and stated that
although Leeds have a number of
players in their early 20s, they
are all old enough to be tried in
an adult court. The FA also
highlighted the fact that O’Leary
is in fact in his 40s, has had a
long apprenticeship under George
“Stroller” Graham, and is
actually a manager in his own
right and should therefore be
treated like any other. According
to Davies, O’Leary must accept
that he has several years
experience as coach and manager at
a top Premiership club and stop
annoying everybody.
Davies
also used his statement to launch
an attack on the media, who he
accused of fawning over O’Leary
and encouraging his attempts at
deception.
|
|
|
|
