Sources close to Hamilton confirm that Alanis was so taken by the diminutive maverick's elegant prose and barely suppressed fury during an epic Euro 2000 performance, that she has spent six months wooing George before recently demanding that record company chiefs tie him to a six album deal.

A Morrissette insider explains, "Alanis knew immediately that George was the man to reignite the fury, to fan the dormant flames of misery. She was already excited when - minutes into his France-Portugal set - Hamilton angrily exclaimed 'Anelka's not on his game. He shouldn't be on the pitch'. 

And the mournful 'feet of clay' that greeted a slightly misplaced pass from French maestro Zidane drew gasps of admiration from the entranced artist.

"However", our man continued, "what brought home the compatibility, the potential for artistic synergy between the two performers, was an emotive Hamilton piece late in his oration". 

'Isn't it ironic..' George began, as Morrissette wept, '..that if France are to get through now by virtue of a penalty kick, that it was a missed penalty by Spain that got them this far'.

Alanis was beside herself now, abandoning entirely her fruitless search for a frying pan in a kitchen cupboard ironically replete with saucepans.

When tackled today by reporters who wondered just how far an endless capacity for nonsense could take George in the pop world, Hamilton is said to have vowed 'It matters not a whit. The die is cast. A shrill blast of the referee's whistle. It's Stuttgart all over again', causing even best mate Jim "in fairness" Beglin to back away uneasily.

For their part, the Morrisette camp refuted suggestions of a growing romance between the dictionaryless pair - confirming that while Alanis indeed felt she had met the man of her dreams, ironically enough, she was later introduced to George's beautiful wife.