It’s hard enough being a female football fan when you’re constantly accused of only wanting to ogle the players. It’s even worse when you meet a new boyfriend who you think is a devotee of football, only to discover he’s faking it to get you onside. So girls, here are my top tips to help you figure out whether your new chap is a keeper, or 100% plastic.

He’s been to a match, but when you ask who played, it was his team against one of the big boys because he wouldn’t dream of watching them slug it out against less fashionable opposition.

He boasts of his extensive collection of official shirts, but when you check his wardrobe they’re unworn and for this season only, and you notice some belonging to other teams tucked away at the back.

He insists Dom Perignon and prawn sandwiches are traditional half-time refreshments.

He shouts ‘offside’ every time the ball goes out of play.

He’s never heard of Radio 5’s 606 phone-in.

He watches Match of the Day, but only to pick up style tips from Gary Lineker.

He thinks getting into Europe is the most important target – because then he can combine his summer holiday with watching the final.

When his team lose one game after an unbroken run of 12 wins, he demands the resignation of the manager – who has obviously ‘lost the plot’ – and considers phoning the ground to ask for his money back.

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